sturniolo one shots (Nick)

(TW: SH) Nicks Panic Attack (TW: SH)

Nick has been acting really weird lately. He's falling into a really deep depression and he doesn't even know why. He has a good life, good friends, and yet he's been so just numb. He puts on this face for the camera, and sometimes, he can't even do that. He doesn't feel anything, but he feels everything at the same time.

When he was a kid, he used to cut himself when he felt like this. He hasn't done it since he came out in high school, though he still has the blades in a hidden box in his dresser drawer, just in case.

No one in his family ever found out about this because he cut on his chest, and he's too unhappy with his body to take off his shirt. Some could say he never really recovered because lately, he was feeling like relapsing, and tonight, he was really feeling like cutting. He sadly decided to give in to these urges.

"I gotta go to the bathroom," Nick said to his brothers before walking upstairs. Nick got to his rooms and started rifling through his drawers to find his blades. He found them and quickly made his way to his bathroom. He shut and locked the door behind him.

He dumped his blades on the counter and began taking off his shirt. He picked up his blade, put it against his chest, pressed down, and quickly pulled it across his skin. The release he feels makes him wonder why he ever stopped doing this. He sat down on his tub and cut over his past scars.

He felt so good, and he was covered in new cuts, but because of the scar tissue, it didn't feel good enough. He pulled down his pants, sat back on the tub, and put the blade on his skin. He hesitated for a second, but he pressed down and quickly swiped the blade against his skin. It felt so good, he didn't over and over until there were dozens of cuts on both of his thighs.

He sat there for a while, just watching the blood drip off of his legs and chest. It was dripping on the floor, and he realized he would have to clean it up, so he grabbed his hand towel off the counter.

He's done this before, so he just started doing what he was used to doing. He started cleaning the blood off his legs and his chest. He looked at his phone and realized that he's been up here for an hour. He decided he wasn't gonna go back downstairs, so he just started the shower instead of cleaning the rest of the blood off. He texted him and his brothers group chat, saying, "I'm just gonna shower and go to bed." They responded with an "okay."

He took off his underwear and got in the shower. The warm water hitting his cuts burned, but he just let it happen. He watched as blood rolled down his legs and went down the drain.

Once he was done, he turned off the shower, opened the curtain, grabbed his towel, and started drying off. Once dry, he tied the towel around his waist and stepped out of the shower. He saw all of the blood on the floor, dropped his towel, and started cleaning up the blood with his towel.

He got it all cleaned up, but now he had two bloody towels. He decided to leave them for another time, so he set them in the tub and closed the curtain. He left the bathroom, making sure that none of his brothers were up there and went to get clothes out of his dresser. Once dressed, he went back to the bathroom to put his blades away.

He started heading downstairs to see what his brothers were doing, and when he got down there, they were sitting on the couch, and Matt's head was resting on Chris' shoulder. That's when the guilt hit him.

He's such a failure, Why can't he be normal? He's taking his life for granted because he is so lucky to have such a loving family, and he's just throwing it all away. He's starting to regret doing what he did upstairs. "Hey Nick, I thought you said you were going to bed?" Matt asked, "Yeah, you okay?" Chris asked. Nick was just standing at the bottom of the steps, and he was like a statue. "Yeah, I'm okay. I was just seeing what you were doing before I went to bed."

"Oh okay, goodnight," Matt said, "Goodnight." Chris said while still looking at his phone. Nick cleared his throat, "Uh yeah, goodnight." He said before heading up the stairs.

He's in his room sitting on his bed, thinking about all of the dumb shit he does when he looks down and sees blood on his shirt. One of his cuts must have reopened. He took off his shirt, and sure enough, he was bleeding again. He got up and tossed the shirt in his laundry basket. He found a new shirt and put it on. He got into bed and fell asleep.

The next morning, he woke up, and there was blood all over one of his legs. He quickly got up and took his pants off, which hurt because some of the blood was dry.

He got dressed in his outfit for the day and went to his bathroom to get ready. He washed his face and brushed his teeth. When he was done with that, he started heading downstairs. He got down there, and his brothers were already awake. "Morning," they both said, and he smiled back.

He started eating breakfast, and Chris came up behind him, "BOO!" He shouted, Nick jumped, and they started laughing. Nick, however, wasn't laughing. He was grimacing, "What's wrong?" Matt asked, Nick could feel his heart beating hard in his ears, and he couldn't breathe. He stood up and began trying to stumble out of the house, "Woah, Nick? What's going on, man?" Chris asked while pulling Nick back towards the couch.

"Is this a panic attack?" Matt asked, Matt has had a panic attack before, and he recognized the symptoms. "I dont know. I don't know. I'm dying." Nick said while sliding to the ground while leaning against the wall. He was sitting on the floor, one hand on his chest and one hand on the ground.

"Listen, Nick, look around and find 5 things you can see." Matt started while putting his hand on Nick's knee. Nick started naming stuff he could see, and then he just kept naming them. He just kept naming stuff over and over. He felt himself calming down. He realized he was literally sitting on the kitchen floor, crying his eyes out in front of his brothers.

"I am so sorry about this." Nick said. "Hey, what's going on, man?" Chris asked. "I'm just stressed out, man." Nick said. He started getting up to walk away, and Matt grabbed his arm, "No, you need to talk to us, man. What's going on with you?" Nick looked down at his chest and saw blood and began trying harder to get away. Chris looked at his shirt and saw blood.

"What happened? Why is there blood on your shirt?" Nick went and sat down in the kitchen chair, "I think there's something I need to tell you guys. Can you sit down?" Nick said to Matt and Chris.

"Now, I don't want you to get mad. But this is really important." Nick started. Matt and Chris looked at each other, worried. "I have been cutting myself since high school, but I haven't done it since I was in high school. I just did it last night because I have been stressed out, but I think I need help quitting."

Nick told them while avoiding eye contact. "Well, I wasn't expecting that, but we will help you get help." Matt said, "Yeah, of course we'll help you. Do you need help with putting bandaids on your cuts or anything like that?" Chris asked.

Nick started taking off his shirt, he got it off and there was blood running down his chest and scars covering his chest. Matt and Chris gasped but still got up to help nonetheless.

Matt grabbed a wet towel, and Chris grabbed the first aid kit. They started helping clean up Nicks wounds, and Nick started silently crying. Matt wiped his tears, "It's gonna be okay, man," he said.

They finished cleaning blood off of Nick, and he put his shirt back on, "I think it would be smart for me to sleep in the living room tonight." Nick said and went and laid down on the couch. "Get some sleep, kid. We'll get you set up to talk to someone and work out all of that in the morning."

Nick fell into a restless sleep and dreamt of a better way of living.

*Note, I don't really like this one, and it was kinda rushed because it was starting to trigger me as I had the same problem with self-harm. If you are feeling like you have no other option, call 988 or go to 988 lifeline.org. I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Have a lovely day!*