A Book Nerd's Guide to Falling in Love

Chapter 19: Silence was a Kind Friend

The crush I had in middle school didn't last long, but the rush was something I would remember for the rest of my life.

His name was Noah. He had brown hair and blue eyes. I think it was the eyes that captured me. I recalled thinking they resembled gemstones.

I had a crush on him so bad I acted like an idiot when he was around. I kept telling myself, don't look, don't look, don't look, but I could see him from my peripherals, and then I'd sneak a peek to check him out, thinking he was the cutest boy in our class.

Whenever his eyes turned in my direction, not necessarily at me, I'd freak out, like, Oof! He looked! I had to avert my eyes and pretend I wasn't staring.

I would act crazy. Big toothy grin. Laughed out loud even if there was nothing funny. Fake conversations with people, seeming like my attention was not on him.

At the end of each day, I would overanalyze everything he said and did, trying to find clues and coming to conclusions that he liked me too.

Despite being deadass awkward, I kind of enjoyed having a crush—the fluttering sensation in my chest that made me smile to myself and not have a care in the world about what everyone else thought.

Now, I was doing the exact same thing with Finn. Unfortunately, I couldn't pretend I wasn't looking because I had to talk to him.

When I entered the library, he was the first thing I noticed though he sat at the back most of the reading area. I'd normally check the librarian's desk first, then let my eyes roam the hall, checking the shelves, and the reading area would be the last my sight landed on. But not today.

Today, it was as if I knew precisely where Finn was—hunched over a thick book.

"Hey," I said as I walked up to him, dropping my bag on the table. Don't stare, don't stare, don't stare. That darn voice inside me was too loud. But how could I not stare?

He smiled at me and my heart skipped a beat. "You got my text?"

"Yep, what happened to the teacher?" I sat down across from him. He'd texted me earlier to let me know the teacher had canceled their last class because of an emergency, so he came to the library early.

"She had a dental thing," he said, closing the book he was reading.

I read the title—American History: A Survey. "Where did you get that?" I asked.

"Found it in the history section." He pointed up the staircase.

"But the assignment is on the history of Littleton. I don't think you'll find what you're looking for in this." My nerdiness popped out, and I hoped I wasn't embarrassing myself.

"Really?" Finn glared down at the book. "I've been checking the contents for almost an hour now."

I didn't mean to disappoint him. "Didn't Ms. Clark help you?"

"Ms. Clark?"

"The librarian," I said and turned. Ms. Clark wasn't at her desk when I came in. For the first time, I observed more than five people in the library. "What the—?" I couldn't remember seeing this many in years.

"Something wrong?" Finn asked.

I turned back to him, a grin forming on my lips. "There are people in the library." My voice caught on a higher pitch, and someone shushed me.

Finn smiled back, leaning over the table to whisper. "That's great. So, the infographics must be working."

I wanted to lean over the desk too—to get closer to him. Heat grew on my face despite the library's cold hall. I only nodded, not saying anything, afraid that I might blurt out mortifying words like You're the best artist, Finn or I couldn't have done it without you, followed by That's why I'm crushing on you.