A Book Nerd's Guide to Falling in Love

Chapter 25: Reason was Scarce

Keeping my head down, I entered the halls of Littleton High School with my head low, my hair falling over my cheeks to hide the puffiness of my eyes. I'd cried silently all night, the rest of the world indifferent to my agony. My books had only warned me. After reading hundreds of romance stories, they hadn't prepared me for this torment.

How fast have I turned from an elated state to a crumbling piece of the world—devasted and ruined by love? I understood what it could do to people. Like the trickster autumn, it lured me to its beautiful den filled with misery, and I allowed it to deceive me.

I allowed Finn to deceive me.

In hopes of avoiding him, I'd waited a block away from school, listening for the first bell. I only entered when it rang. The first class was the most difficult as I came in following the teacher so Finn wouldn't have any chance to talk to me. But Lotty, who I sat next to, detected it all over my face as soon as I took my seat.

"Elsy, are you okay?" She whispered, leaning closer.

"I'm fine. I just cried over a book I was reading," I said, keeping my face down. "The protagonist died in the end."

The frown that formed on her face told me she didn't believe me. "What happened to you yesterday?" she asked. She'd sent me messages and missed calls the whole afternoon yesterday, but I ignored them, turning my phone into silent mode.

"I had a family emergency," I told her. "I'm sorry I didn't text you back."

The crease on her brows deepened. "Is everything okay?"

I nodded, pressing a forced smile to my lips. "Everything's fine. Nothing to be concerned about," I whispered and opened my textbook, ducking my head low into the pages to avoid the conversation.

Everything was not fine.

Finn would likely be staring at me from his seat at the back of the class, and he'd want to talk after the hour. I somehow doubted it though. When Lotty sent me dozens of messages yesterday, Finn only checked on me twice, asking where I was in the afternoon and hoping I was okay at night before bedtime.

When I didn't respond to him yesterday, did he spend the rest of his time texting and calling Lotty?

My body had the urge to turn and look at him, to show him the misery he had caused me, but I couldn't. I shouldn't. I didn't have the confidence to face him.

As I sat there, pretending it was another ordinary day, I couldn't help but think back on what I caught the day before. Lotty in Finn's arms. Finn in Lotty's.

I glanced at the girl beside me and she peered at me almost as if she'd been waiting to make eye contact. The concern that grew on her brows was genuine. I didn't want to hate her for it, but I felt enraged—a part of me wanted to blame her for my suffering.

I turned my eyes back down. The text on the book I was trying to read blurred, and I blinked away the tears that formed.

A piece of paper landed on my desk. When I opened it, the note read: I'm here if you want to talk.

I looked at Lotty again and tried for another forced smile, hoping it would look more genuine this time, but it only twisted my lips to a disappointed grimace. "I know," I said.

The teacher shushed the room. "No talking."

I went back to pretending to read my textbook, wishing the clock to go faster. It was the most excruciating hour I had to endure. It was so easy to break down and cry in my seat and blame Lotty and Finn, but I couldn't do it, forcing myself to stop thinking about them and the pain that made my whole body tense.