The day went on and i didn't even realise how late it had gotten. I knew Pansy would be back soon and I didn't want anyone to see me in the state I was in. I put on a jacket and made my way to the astronomy tower to clear my head. I'd spent all day picking myself to pieces and analysing every inch of my life and i needed a break.
I sat on the edge of the tower, my head resting on the wall next to me and my legs to my chest, a numbness filling my body. The wind felt like ice on my tear stained cheeks but it didn't bother me, the breeze felt nice after spending the day in a hot dorm room. I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down so i could think straight. All i knew was that i couldn't go on like this, I couldn't keep being this cold person, i couldn't be what Mattheo wanted me to become.
I wasn't sure how much times had passed but i focussed on the moons reflection on the lake and the breeze hitting my skin.
"Hi princess"
The voice filled me with dread. My new found calmness was ruined but I had no energy to respond. The smell of smoke replaced the fresh sent of the wind and the footsteps behind me grew louder. Yet I still didn't move. I felt drained, numb, uncaring that he was behind me. The tears that had dried from earlier reappeared but this time I didn't hold them back. It was too dark to see my tears but my quiet sobs filled the silence and Mattheos footsteps stopped right behind my. A deep chuckle followed soon after.
"What's the matter princess"
His voice dripped in sarcasm and I could sense his fake pout. And still, i didn't move, didn't speak, didn't even acknowledge him. This was unusual and irritated him. He grabbed my arm, forcing me up from the ground and turned me to face him. Despite it being night, I could still make out his features and the light from his cigarette. I didn't react, didn't fight.
"Aww. Has the princess been crying. Someone hurt your feelings?"
The words which would have usually irritated me only made the pain worse. I tried to walk away, not wanting to entertain him, but this only irritated him more. He grabbed my shoulder, pulling me back to him.
"Get your hands off me riddle"
"No"
"I said get your fucking hands off of me"
My voice came out a pained, broken sob as I shoved him away from me. My tone made him freeze. He think had expected me to be angry and start a fight. But no. He stood, just looking at me, still an angry expression but he didn't try to grab me again. All the emotions, all the anger and pain I had suppressed came to the surface.
"I'm done. I'm done with this hatred between us. I am so fucking miserable. And I know you don't care, and I know that's probably your goal but I can't do this anymore. I've lost my friends, my happiness, myself because of you. You've turned me into this cold, hateful monster. I don't give two shits that you don't like me, but I am not letting you destroy my life. I don't know why you treat me the way you do, and I know I have retaliated, but you destroyed the person I used to be, the person I used to love, so I am putting an end to this"
He just stood there frozen, this being the last thing he had expected. The tears still streamed down my face and my voice was powerful but filled with hurt and regret. Something changed in Mattheos eyes but I didn't stay long enough to assess it. Was it remorse, hurt, anger, I didn't know. I just left, wiping my tears as I did and headed straight back to my dorm.
I didn't care how he felt, I didn't care what he did, as long as the rivalry ended.
