False Heartbeats of Love

1

Those moments in life where your heart, your body, and your mind don't know where they are or where they want to go. That is the moment where everything started, my dad died a few months ago and since then many things have changed, my way of seeing the world and of dealing with pain are different.The pain of losing him is not just because he is no longer there at certain times, or he no longer pampers me. It's all that comes with being gone, I have to be strong enough to continue with my life as if nothing had happened, I have to be strong enough not only for myself but for others and I have to understand all the information. new that has come to me after his death.He was 20 years old and the day of my dad's funeral was when I found out about the existence of Paul, my 16-year-old brother. Since then I have tried to accept and carry on a sibling relationship; He was one of those many things I found out after his death and although my father's death has been difficult to process, the anxiety of what it entails is what has truly destroyed me. She had been sick for months. My diet, my body, and my physical condition had become an obsession that, although it helped me distract my mind for months, has brought me many negative consequences.My weight was lower than it had ever been and even though I felt sick and sad, the people around me told me that I looked better than ever, it's not just what they told me, but how it feels to be In this "new body", I feel more attractive, and although sometimes it does not seem so obvious, the benefits of being a thin woman are incredible, I am no longer invisible in the eyes of men, it is much easier to dress well and many things further. Since that began to be evident, I did everything possible to stay thin or lose even more weight. In addition, the most important benefit kept me from thinking about everything that had happened. My head knew that what I was doing was not healthy but it was the only way of escape I could find. Counting calories, exercising, laxity, vomiting, and obsessing about college were my days for months.I was tired of obsessing over all this, I wanted to go out, be with my friends, with my family, to distract myself from the pain somehow. That's when I decided, to create an account on a dating app to meet new people, go out, and talk; I never thought I would find the person to help me with all my pain or so I thought for a long time.Although for Artie it was the first time he had spoken to me, it wasn't like that for me. It was not the first time that I used this type of application and neither was his first time many years ago when I was still the Ava who lived in a different body and was a little more shy, we had a very short interaction that did not mean much to either of us. Both of them but I knew who he was, he was someone very difficult to forget, to some people it may seem crazy but finding a person with Artie's physical characteristics is rare where I live. Artie had green eyes, his skin was white, his hair was golden and he was a little taller than me, I loved every part of him.Artie wrote to me as if the time we spoke had never happened, as if it were the first time he had met me and I decided that would be the case, and that was the case, it was the first time he had spoken to the new Ava. From the first greeting, I knew that we had to meet again and that this time our story was going to go much further.