The Firefly

30°

I don't remember how I got to my bedroom upstairs, I think my legs moved on their own to my bed.

My breathing was irregular as with trembling hands I undressed to slip into my pajamas. When a few tears formed at the corners of my eyes I went into complete panic.

What was happening to me?How had I fallen in love with Jake?

Fuck.

I took my head in my hands, tightening my lips.

This is not good, not good at all.

Too many doubts and contradictions were swirling in my mind. I had to keep working normally in order to help my uncle.

I wasn't supposed to let myself be distracted, but his damn rosy lips, his silky wavy hair, even his flaws attracted me.

His fucking sweet, almost suave voice, I had rarely heard such beautiful ones.

Had I given him hope that night on the ice rink?

How many times over the course of those months had I lost myself watching him without realizing it?

Maybe that was why the maids had begun to hate me; they had understood my feelings even before I did.

Had I ever been so stupidly blind to the undeniable? It couldn't be; it was all too surreal for it to be true.

I had met Axel and thought he might be the one; I couldn't accept that now all my plans were being challenged by that model.

But after all, he had been the one who had approached me first, who had made our lips brush by taking the first step, who had placed his hand on my thigh and hip.

I froze in place bringing my hands to my mouth forcing myself not to make a sound.

Maybe...maybe he had fallen in love with me too? My breath caught in my throat preventing me from even screaming.

I shook my head patting my head with my hands. No, Jake did not love me. He could never have fallen in love with someone like me, so intrusive.

It was clear: it had been nothing to him. He had just been caught up in the heat of the moment.

Yet I couldn't help but wonder how seriously Jake felt about me.

I should have simply played it cool, and in time the feelings would have disappeared, surely.

That night was tremendous.

The initial dreams had been few, but I had never had such restless ones.

My daily sleep paralysis came almost immediately bringing with it all the anguish that would accompany me throughout that night.

The shrill sound of the alarm clock made me jerk my eyes open.

I lay in the soft sheets for a few moments feeling a pang in my heart as I recalled the events of a few hours earlier.

Around lunchtime we were supposed to leave for Los Angeles, and I was supposed to spend six hours in the car with Jake.

At the thought of the boy I gritted my teeth trying to ignore that beautiful sense of warmth that quickly expanded from my heart into the rest of my body numbing my limbs.

When I was in front of his door I decided that I should act as if nothing had happened, it was the best decision.

I knocked softly without receiving an answer; I gasped when Sandie opened the door.

We exchanged confused glances at each other. -Are you looking for Mr. Hale?- she asked, smiling at me as she opened the door wider.

-Ehm, yes. Where is he?-

-He woke up a minute ago, but from his dark under-eye circles it looks like he hasn't slept much.- She specified.

-He asked a colleague of mine to prepare breakfast before you leave for Los Angeles.- She said, smiling.

-If you want to pack Mr. Hale's bags in the meantime, come on in.- She invited me and then moved to the side. I entered bewildered by all that sudden confidence.

As she entered the small bathroom armed with detergent and rags I began to rummage through the boy's closet.

Once the large blue suitcase was packed, I set off for the kitchen. On the way I concentrated mainly on keeping my breathing steady.

I entered the kitchen only to see the boy sitting at the kitchen counter calmly eating some scrambled eggs and slices of bacon; the maid was already gone. He heard me coming, but said nothing.

Trying not to fall into the nagging temptation to indulge in the memory of the previous evening, I took a seat a few stools away.

-That's for you.- He murmured and with a nod of his head pointed to a plate at his side.

How had I missed his voice so much in just a few hours?

I turned my face slowly toward the boy and the butterflies resumed their tireless rounds inside my stomach.

His wavy, dark hair was tied up in that unmistakable, microscopic pigtail, and a few strands fell in front of his eyes.

His rosy lips intent on his food, his white eyes half-closed and marked by deep dark circles that suggested he had slept very poorly or very badly.

The silk pajamas, strictly white, smelled clean even though it was nothing against the scent of the boy himself.

-You're better at cooking.-

I lowered my gaze. -Thank you...- I stammered, cursing myself.

Amber just play it cool.

We began eating again this time without speaking to each other until the end, without saying a single simple word.

Tension mixed with embarrassment floated in the air so clearly that the maids themselves had noticed, and began whispering incomprehensible things among themselves.

-I'll go get dressed.- Jake stood up brandishing his cane with extreme confidence.

-I laid your clothes on the bed Sir.- I hurriedly raised my tone of voice and leaned out to be better heard by the boy who by now was about to leave the room, everything had to go back to the way it was before.

It had all happened just because of the excessive familiarity I had given him, I had been wrong in the first place, and now it was my turn to start putting some distance between us.

Yet I felt like a jerk when, in nodding, I noticed his slender fingers tightening on the cane.

I seemed to have struck him to the core.