Welcome to Crazytown

Happy Little Clam

"But I thought he didn't challenge people. I thought he waited."
"I don't know, Jane. I really don't know."
There was only one thought I had through my mind, I'm going to die. In the end I wasn't able to avenge my parents. I wasn't able to rid Crazytown of this stupid game. Everything I have done until now will have been useless. I won't go without a fight though, I'll take a leg or maybe even an eye while I'm there.
"You don't have to go right now, we can wait a couple of hours if that would be better for you."
"No."
"But Jane-"
"No, it's better to go now." She wanted to continue to argue against it. I could see it, and to be entirely honest I am arguing with myself internally about this too. I should say goodbye, because if I do manage to survive I won't be the same. Whatever is waiting for me there is fake and dangerous. There is one thing I'm curious about though. "Did Micheal get the map?" I asked. I know Bullard said he grabbed it, but I'm not entirely sure if it ended up in Michael's hands.
"That might be something you want to ask him." Ohh, there's the problem. Somehow even though I've just, ya know, killed someone by wall, the thought of Micheal still makes me feel outrageously nervous. So even the mere notion of seeing him face to face again after... that thing that happened, is making me want to bury myself in a hole and cover it up with cool dirt. "Why are you- Wait, do you like-"
"No I don't. No I don't. No I do not."
"Is that the truth or are you just saying that to convince yourself that your feelings don't exist because if they do exist then that would make you vulnerable for the first time in your life and you don't know what you'd do because you're so scared that they'll end up hurting you or you'll end up hurting them. And due to your past experiences, you feel as though you are undeserving of love and acceptance. Perhaps you think that if you push everything away, maybe you won't have to face your emotions, right? Because it's just a little crush, it'll go away soon." I mean she's not wrong but it kind of seems like she's talking about herself.
"Have you ever liked someone?" I asked. "Not saying that I like anyone, I just want to know." Jane, you're not smooth at all. Avoid, avoid, avoid.
"Remember when we were talking about the girl who tied herself to the rabbit tree?"
"Yeah."
"Well, her name was Yanelle Clubson. She was a member of one of the four high nobles that fell after the Old Queen was executed. You can imagine after she won a game only at the age of six, she was interested in the Madman, he wanted to figure her out. He wanted to see the vicious little girl that his system created. She came over a lot, we practically grew up together. I thought I just saw her as a sister or a best friend, but apparently it was much more than that. And when I found out, it was far too late. Yanelle had tied herself to the Rabbit Tree."
"What happened at the Rabbit Tree."
Melodie took a deep breath, "The Rabbit Tree is occupied by, well, rabbits, except they are much different. No one knows how exactly they arrived but one moment they weren't there and the next moment, they were. When you tie yourself to that tree, they come out from their hiding place and eat you while you're still alive. Not slowly, thank god, but it's said to be a painful experience. The only thing left of you is your bones. The only way anyone knew it was Yanelle, was because she left a note." She took it out, it was frail and crinkled, she's had it for a long time. I can tell she's read it over and over again because of how creased the edges are.
"Is it really okay for me to read this?"
"I handed it to you, didn't I?"
It took me a while to read what was there, but once I did, I questioned why she let me read this at all.

Dear Melodie,
I can't begin to explain my actions, I don't have a good excuse. I can only say it was because of my selfishness. It was because I wanted more than I deserved. How could I ever ask for your love when I have what I have for a life I did not deserve? You deserve so much better than a greedy person, you are too good, too hopeful, too beautiful. I wish I could've stood by you longer, but I fear my wants would get in the way. I have been thinking about this for a long time, this life was not for me, and my feelings only grew. I did not belong here.
I want to be honest, I have been hiding something from you, a secret that I can not say even in death, and it's been eating me alive. I didn't think that when I made a deal with him, it would blow up this bad, this was the only way out. I should've never trusted him, this is my fault, I couldn't bear to see anything happen to you. I'm so sorry.
Please know that I didn't do this because I hate you, I did it because I loved you. Do not punish yourself for my actions.
Love
Nellie

I don't know what it is about this letter but it seems unfinished, Like there's supposed to be more.
"Is this the only letter that was found?"
"I think so, but I wouldn't know."
I look back at the paper, I've seen this somewhere. I have, I know I have. The color, an off white, texture that is completely visible. I can see it, it's sitting there in my brain, but I can't see its surroundings. This is going to bother me. And who was the 'him' she was talking about in the letter. I don't know anything, I don't.
"It's time to go." I said, I couldn't think about this anymore. Because then I'll want to stay, I will want to figure this out. But I'm going to die. God, I don't want to. I don't want to die. I want to live. I want to...
I gave Melodie back the letter. I didn't look at her face, I didn't want to. Suddenly I just don't want to be here a second longer. I need to leave.
"Would you like to say bye to anyone else?" Melodie asks.
I could say goodbye to Micheal, and a big part of me wants to. Yet, everything about him has my mind screaming at me to stay, but I can't. I just shake my head.
I get out of the bed, it takes me a second to get a firm standing. I changed into pants and a shirt with boots. I pull my hair back, it doesn't really try, so it kind of sucks. Before I walk out, I leave everything here. Everything, and I hand them to Melodie. I show her all the things I have accumulated.
"This is Dee and this is Dom." I say, showing her the slips of paper.
"What's... going on?" Dom asked.
"Talking paper, huh. I'm going to guess you came from the talking trees?"
"Yes but what's happening?"
"I was challenged by the Merchant."
The room went silent. "Oh."
Then there was nothing else, no words were exchanged, I kept my head down. We have a silent ride to Merchant's place, which is apparently underground. I think it's a bunker.
The ride was too short. My blinking is too long. The breathing coming from Melodie and I is too loud, yet thinking is too silent. I look up for the first time in a while, and instead of the 18 year old young woman, there is a child that sits in front of me. Her blond hair and her blue eyes stab at my heart several times over. She looks tired.
"I..." She starts, but she can't find any words, it seems. So she tries again. "Are you going to..." Tears started filling her eyes. I stretched out my arms, inviting her. She steps carefully before sitting in my lap. She's bawling now. My heart hurts so much.
"I don't know, Marcie. I really don't." I say, laying my chin on her head. Maybe I should do something to soften the blow? No! You idiot! What are you going to do, put her hair in a cute little braid and sing her a little do-dad song about god knows what, before getting put in a cute little forever box? Why don't we draw some cute little bows and rainbows, too, while we're at it? Huh? Wait actually... that's not a bad idea. "I can do your hair before... well, that."
She is silent and then nods, "Yeah, that would be nice."
"Okay." I sit her up straight before I start running my fingers through her hair. I split it into three sections before I start. I remember when I would do Alissa Cartwright, she used to be a bubbly little girl. I remember she always used to sing a song but I can't remember it.
Marcie had soft, shiny, golden hair. She probably got that from her mother. I remember her portrait so easily, I wish I could go back and talk to them again.
I haven't even finished the braid when the inevitable happens, the carriage stops. We've made it. I hurried through the rest of the braid and tied it at the end with a ribbon. Marcie and I looked outside the little window, it looked like there was nothing there. Just a bunch of tall trees with leaves that hid the sun. Marcie brought her finger to the window. "There, it's that little hole."
And just as she said, there was what looked like an entrance. I give one final hug to Marcie, then I look her straight in the eye, "Even if I die. You will be okay, grieve if you need to, but don't forget you will always be loved, alright?"
She nods, and I turn around and start my walk to the bunker. Leaves crunch underneath me, there's a bird calling out above me. This strangely looks and feels so much like the woods that surrounded the hospital. I hear the carriage take off, now I'm alone. Alone, alone, alone. Well, almost, maybe they don't think I can but I can hear them nearing behind me. Their steps are silent, but they are also unnatural and heavy. I continued on like I didn't hear them, nothing good can come out of acknowledging them this early. I continued down to the entrance, it was a lot farther than it looked, of course it was. And who's to say that's even the entrance? What if it's fake? I continue forward, there's a sudden chill in the air that makes me feel uneasy. I feel outrageously unsafe. Will I die before I even meet Merchant, before I get the chance to do anything? Well I was going to die either way so I suppose that sooner is better than-
I stepped into a small pile of leaves and whatever was holding them up gave out. In much smaller words. I fell.