Ineffable One Shots

Aziraphale's Assistant

"Is there a size smaller?"
"Er... in the women's department?"
"The women's department?! You've been holding out on me?" Crowley complained.
"Er... I just thought you-" the worker was cut off by a dark glare that he technically couldn't see past the dark glasses the... er... person wore. He mostly just sensed the glare. It was enough to make him lose sleep for the next week. "Yes of course," he scrambled off.
Crowley turned back to the mirror and scowled. He looked ridiculous. It might have been because he was in half a suit and half a glimmering blue rubber like suit, but that's besides the point.
The point was he simply wouldn't allow himself to enjoy this.
"Um... Crowley, you do know this is a children's event, right?" The angel asked from the changing stall beside Crowley. 
"What about it?" He said and frowned in the mirror again before ripping down the tight pants.
"Well, er... are you sure those aren't going to be too tight... or, um, revealing?"
"Whatcha mean, Angel? Of course they're tight, I have to practically taste them to know they're there,"
"That doesn't sound particularly healthy-"
"The costume...er... ma'am?"
The worker was quite shocked to see him in just his bloomers, his highly feminine bloomers at that, and did his best to look away. Crowley took it from him and waved the worker away, thinking something along the lines of "empty minded human."
This particular suit was much better. The feminine cut looked glamorous on him and he quite liked the skirt, which wasn't as shimmery as the rest of the blue ensemble but a solid blue with shimmering gold trim. The low v-neck and his long sleeves also had the same trim.
Yes well, this is alright, he thought to himself.  He studied himself in the mirror before hearing the stall that Aziraphale was in, open.
"Oh Crowley, you look dashing in that!" They exclaimed.
"Do I now?" He frowned at the mirror to hide his pleasure. Vanity was a sin he was very good at.
Aziraphale walked to stand beside him where Crowley could now see how the angel looked. The outfit was a bit more fancy than his, it was a suit the same colour and almost the same style as Crowley's, but completed with a cape with golden trim and a sparkling blue top hat.
"What? No mustache this time?" Crowley teased. Aziraphale waved him off.
"I'll add it before the performance, are you done here?"
"Yah sure,"
"Ok," nodded Aziraphale. He stood there awkwardly for a moment, looking at the two of them in the mirror. He couldn't help but smile until Crowley raised their eyebrow at them. The angel blushed and made his way back into the dressing room. When the door closed behind him Crowley sighed, then looked at himself one last time and felt a slight smirk tug at his lips before getting back into his regular clothes.

The pair walked into the bookshop with the costumes in big bags. On the way out of the shop Aziraphale mentioned sharing a drink while practicing their routine. Crowley didn't think there was enough alcohol in the world to make the routine less painful.
When they got back into the cozy little shop, Aziraphale took both his and Crowley's costume and hung them up on a rack beside a large box which was also for the routine. Crowley was very suspicious of it.
"Well that was another productive day," the angel beamed while grabbing a bottle of perfectly aged wine.
"It could have been more productive if we just miracled the costumes," Crowley pointed out while sliding into a chair.
"Yes, but where's the magic in that?" Insisted Aziraphale as they pulled out the cork with a satisfying pop.
"It's a miracle, isn't that 'magic' enough?"
"You have to enjoy the little things Crowley,"
"Yes yes, whatever," he dismissed as he took a glass from Aziraphale.
"Crowley I know you don't exactly want to do this, but could you at least try to have some spirit? This is for a good cause you know,"
"Remind me of what that is again?" The demon asked while sipping the wine. Aziraphale settled into a chair across from him.
"It's for the fundraiser that the Them are holding... for the whales?"
"Oh right, the whales... Why didn't they have a fundraiser for the kraken? Isn't there only one of those? Compared to the whales that's a much bigger problem,"
"Well... I suppose, but I'm sure the kraken is fine by itself. Also I don't think that the humans care much for the kraken. Or remember it,"
The demon hummed thoughtfully. They sat in silence for a moment before the angel hopped up and clapped his hands. "We should get to work," he said cheerfully. Crowley groaned.
"Haven't you had enough of this? Your little shows never go as planned,"
"But that's the fun of it!"
"Oh yes, almost getting discorporated by a bullet in the face and being slurred at by little girls is fun,"
Aziraphale blushed. "In the end the bullet catch worked out perfectly. As for the little girl... I hope she had a change of heart,"
The demon scoffed and his shorter companion turned on him. "C'mon Crowley, you owe me this,"
"And what a waste your using my services for. I would have taken you to a hundred dinners, instead you want me for one magic show,"
"You're exact words were 'I'm really sorry Angel, I was wrong, I'll make it up to you somehow,' and this is how you'll make it up to me," he said stubbornly as he grabbed the pile of conjoined rings. Crowley leaned against the chair, his head dipping past the armrest, and groaned even louder.
"That was more then a hundred years ago, can you let it go already?"
"One can not just 'let go' of the Titanic," He scolded. "You promised me fine dining and fun!"
"Well it was all that right up until that bloody iceberg. I don't control that stuff!"
"Oh you mean that wasn't your side?"
"Well I did get some credit for it, but that was just more human stupidity," Crowley shrugged and got up and shot back the rest of his wine. He swaggered up to Aziraphale who was fumbling with the rings still.
Apon feeling the tall figure's breath on the back of his neck, Aziraphale swung around to face him, blushing at how close they were. Crowley studied him for a moment and Aziraphale couldn't trust himself any longer. He stepped back and threw up his hands.
"Fine Crowley, you don't have to help," the Angel swung back pointing at him threateningly "but you owe me those hundreds of dinners,"
Crowley looked confused at his random change of heart. He was a bit relieved, but then saw his companion turn back to his magic nick nacks. He glanced at the rack with their matching costumes. He sighed and hoped maybe this would be the gesture that showed the oblivious angel how much he cared.
"I'll do it... but you have to buy dinner right after,"
Aziraphale turned back to him, absolutely beaming.
"Really? Oh Crowley you really are-"
"YES yes I'm a delight," the demon rolled his eyes, but was jerked back with an "oof" as the smaller man pulled him into a hug.
It was a whole new feeling for Crowley. It was warm and... safe. He felt his eyes prick with tears, but quickly blinked them away as the angel let go.
"Sorry, it's just... thank you Crowley!" The blushing angel gushed.
"Yeah, cool," blushed Crowley, trying to stay cool. "I mean, what could possibly go wrong this time?"

The servers at the Ritz have seen this couple  in various states but never have they seen them in such tight little shiny outfits covered in scorch marks and ash while wincing at any little movement.
Crowley's blackened hand held a wine cup to toast the slightly traumatized angel.
"To your magic, shockingly that wasn't your worst performance," he teased and took a huge gulp of alcohol. Aziraphale looked down blankly at his cup.
"Maybe I should try birdwatching instead," he muttered.
Crowley smiled lightly, "I heard there's a good looking nightingale somewhere around here,"
They looked into each other's eyes and smiled gently.

Thank you everyone who read this, I was told fan fiction and short stories are a great way to improve writing skills and  am finally creative enough to write one shots. I am open to suggestions and debates.