Ineffable One Shots

Running Away (finally)

(This is an alternate ending to S2
The song is 'from Eden' by Hozier)

TW: religious trauma

Crowley never saw them pray.
Not the important kind of praying, but the faithful kind. It was how heaven checked on them. It was fine to begin with.
Then Aziraphale seemed to shift.
He got more anxious about it. The pair's late night talking sessions got cut short as Aziraphale sent Crowley away with the lame excuse that she must be tired.
Crowley wasn't. She may enjoy sleeping, but she didn't have to.
There were some evenings throughout the centuries however, that the two of them got so drunk together that they would forget to sober out. When they woke up slumped against furniture, or each other, the angel would jerk awake. They would cringe at their headache and slump back down for a moment. It would take only a moment from then on for them to jump up, normally awaking a heavily hungover Crowley. The angel would then sober up quicker then Crowley could stand up. They would hand Crowley their jacket and keys and glasses, and then disappear into their room.
Crowley would normally leave before Aziraphale came back, but the one time they didn't they startled a red faced, tear streaked Aziraphale.
Crowley tried to ask what was wrong, but could never get a straight answer.
He didn't need an answer after a while, it became quite obvious.
The angel seemed to disappear on Sundays. They remained somber on Mondays, but gradually grew more relaxed until the next Sunday.
Most people wouldn't realize this. Weather it because they are busy with their own lives, or maybe Aziraphale's uneasiness was so subtle that only someone as closed to them as Crowley would notice.
He didn't do anything about it. What could he do? Other then ask for the angel to run away with him. They were both preoccupied at that time though. Stoping armegeden and all.  
So Crowley said nothing and Aziraphale went on as normal. They lived their life in odd luxury, books and food and alcohol.
They smiled when they were around each other, and together they could almost forget all that was slightly wrong. But then something would happen; a random person would see them together and go on a tirade about god's will.
Or the nights when they would watch TV together. When flipping through channels Crowley found a religious program. They paused for a moment and slyly glanced at Aziraphale. Their eyes fixed on the TV in a desperate like state. Crowley sly glance quickly turned to worry and he looked back at the TV. He went to change the channel, and the angel blinked out of it. A cat food commercial played, Crowley kept it playing.
In the dark light, the TV's ever-changing glow reflected off of Aziraphale's face. He was still anxious. Crowley knew he needed to say something.
"Didn't you possess one of those religious TV blokes?"
Aziraphale looked at him surprised. His mouth formed an 'oh' before he responded.
"I... yes. It was momentarily though, he was an American, too far away from where I was needed..."
The silence consumed them. They didn't fully relax for the rest of the night. After an hour or so, wordlessly, Aziraphale got up and left. As the door closed behind them, Crowley sighed. After a moment he turned off the TV and remained spread out on the couch in the darkness. Worry for his friend tinged his thoughts until brunch with that same friend in the morning.
Crowley understood where they were coming from. Just after she fell she would flinch upon any mention of heaven or hell or god. It was one of the main reasons why Crowley took the position on earth, to get away from all the unpleasant reminders. Also it was nice to be away from all the screaming.
The big difference between the two of them though, was that Crowley hated heaven and hell. He despised it and knew everyone involved with it was screwed.
Aziraphale however, loved heaven. Or did they? Maybe fear was a better word for it. Anyway, Aziraphale was unable to hate something that he was so entwined in, that he looked up to so much. Instead of seeing the flaw in the system, he saw flaws in himself.
Crowley also knew what that felt like. Falling takes a lot out of someone, especially when you're not exactly sure what you did to deserve it.
It lead to a lot of nights of self-loathing and staring at the ceiling wondering what you could possibly do to be better or feel better.
All in all, they both needed some relief, but neither could properly put it into words. Crowley suspected Aziraphale didn't even know he had a problem.
Instead they continued, as they always did. Doing their best to ignore the forces of heaven and hell, and the gnawing sense of shame in their guts.
That was, until they were neck deep in it again.