Everytime she was desparate for her soulmate.
But when she got hints from the universe
Was it all just her imagination?
She doesn't know what she is afraid of?
The planned future or the possibilities?
A story where she wants to do nothing but just...
After coming back from school, I wished everyone "Subho Bijoya". Last night I didn't sleep much because I was studying Business Studies. I went to tuition after that. Everyone came, Jessica today had a singing program, so I had to reach there by 7.30. Teacher didn't let me. I hurriedly entered at 8 at the exact moment she started singing. I went there with Wrieck. We sat their and I gazed at him. The colourful lights which were falling upon his face. I know that he didn't have an idea about how much I love him. This thought made me smile but the emotion was unknown. I admired Jessica as she was singing. She wore a black saree which was delicately draped around her body. Her open hair which reached her shoulder and a rose flaunted her look. Her big jhumkas which were adorning her purity.
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After her performance, she approached us and she saw Wrieck, she was unaware of my feelings towards him. Wrieck held out his hand and my gaze darkened as I saw Jessica and Wrieck shaking hands. I was jealous but why? I had no right over him. I clicked few photos and we left.
All this happened every fast, we were walking and I asked him," Do you had any dream that became true?" He said "No". I told him that many of my dreams comes true. Though I was resisting the urge to tell him. I said, "Amar sopno gulo sotti hoye jay, jeguloi dekhi." " Whatever dreams I see it becomes true."
He replied with a great humour, "Tahole akta sopno dekh jekhane ami ISI hoyegechi." "If that's the case, see me in your dreams as a ISI Officer."
I told him about my dreams and nightmares in brief. How everytime I used to dream about a dark night and how I used to see family members happily and how the total scenario use to completely change in something horrifying. Everytime I don't know I was the one who got sacrificed for the sake of my loved ones.
We were talking all this while walking and suddenly he stopped in his track and I did too. He said looking at me, "Why are you panting?" I realised, yes my breaths were not normal, it was suffocating and as I looked at him furrowing my brows. He continued,"First take deep breaths." I did but I had no words to give reply. I just forced these words out, "Thik ache cho abar, ami thik achi." "I'm ok now, let's go." Though these things caught me quite off guard.
I also told him how before my birthday something happens which spoils and depressed me like it did last year. My birthday is this month and I don't know what to expect. He said,"you can come over to my house, we spent the day enjoying." I raised my eyebrows because I know it's quite impossible because both of our parents are strict. We were walking and we didn't realise Our tuition teacher few miles away and I turned back to look at Wrieck. He was ready and about to run away. I stopped him because that would be doing no good as sir has already seen us. We walked further. As normal I said that the function went well and Wrieck just came to drop me off. I'm damn sure a seed of doubt is sown in his mind. I just hope it doesn't grows.
He dropped me off home. It felt light after sharing.
10 days later...
It has been days since I have seen him. Today I went to tuition, I called him too to ask him whether he will come or not. He didn't came and he didn't even answer the phone. It felt like a bit odd and empty. The study session went pleasent and yes without him, the room looses it's charm. I looked at the empty chair where he usually sits and that was empty. But I'm happy that he is enjoying. Later that night while I was having dinner, my phone rang and it showed his name. I pick up the call, he asked,"Kemon acho Radha?" "How are you Radha?" And I was speechless and wanted to laugh out loud. I answered, "Abar ami ki toke Krishno bolbo?" He quickly replied, "Nah nah."
"Aj ki koralo?" " What did sir made us do?" He apologized that he didn't came to tuition. I was eating at the same time. He asked, " kichu hoyeche? Ato depressed keno?" "Did something happened? Why do you sound so depressed?"
My personality is an introvert who likes to stay silent and contented. I usually speak less and I guarantee my classmates know this better than me. They have always said that day by day I'm becoming more dead and silent. Sometimes my friends comments that maybe I'm possessed by a ghost as I like to take walk on rooftop at night. They used to make jokes out of it. I just like to enjoy peace and silence, away from chaos.
His words pulled me out of the thoughts, " Nah bhai amake oi Radha e bhalo lage je sob somoy haste thake." "No bhai, I like the Radha who laugh all the time." I realised that I'm always happy and playful in front of him. But somehow it made me sad a bit because I'm not always a happy person and whenever I'm with him I don't have to think about what I should talk or do. It feels like I can really be free with him without any judgements. We talked for 22 mins and 27 secs and he said that I'm his type because we both share the same type of thoughts. He said his dream job was to be an actor. Yes it reminded me of my unfulfilled dream, the child who uses to dream, laugh and there was no stress and sadness. Her life was so much better, where did that life go? I also told him, "Ata tui bisas korbi na kintu ami class 4 a ami dance korte jantam na ar amar friends ra hasto amar opor. " " I know you'll not believe me but I can't dance when I was in class 4 and my friends used to laugh at me." I continued, but I omitted the part where I used to be bullied at school. When my sister interrupted, I hung up on him . I realised I'm getting closer to him and it will only hurt me in the end. He questioned, "How is my November month going?" Of course he asked it in the context of my birthday. I forgot my birthday is coming and he actually remembered all the details which I told him.
I said, " Ha bhaloi jache amar life a onek happiness ache." " Yes it's going good, I have many happy things in my life."
He added, " Jerom ami." "Like me."
This boy is crazy, literally, " Ha boltei paris. " " Yes you can say that."
He said that if his phone was with him he would have put WhatsApp status on my birthday. His mother's phone is here and if he does that on her phone, she will give a good beating. I said that if someone gives status on birthday, I don't like it because the one who genuinely wishes me and the value of their feelings doesn't gets acknowledged and gets lost. So, I don't like that . Yes, our thinking matches about many things.
" When you know the truth but still want to try, When you realise there is so much sadness that you can deny. And choose to happy where your soul feels free, And the heart chooses to dance in a rainy night care free." -
