𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐏𝐎 𝐃𝐎𝐋𝐂𝐄; rigel wilde

viii. 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐞

Light-headedness, from the heat and the emotion. The feeling that I was going to pass out.

That was how I explained what had happened in the mall, hiding my reactions the best I could.

I had tried to suppress my body's panic, I had tried with everything I had to contain myself. I reassured Anna multiple times, and in the end, she believed me.

Rigel watched me with enigmatic eyes the whole time.

I didn't like lying to her, but there was nothing else I could do. The idea of telling her the truth made me feel so nauseous that I couldn't breathe. I just couldn't do it.

I couldn't tell her what had caused those feelings, because they came from so deep down in me that even I didn't want to probe there.

So fuck Rigel. He may have been there, but he wasn't there.

"Lele?" I heard on Monday morning.

Anna was standing in the doorway to my room. Her eyes were still as clear as a cloudless sky. I hoped she'd never see me like that again.

"What are you looking for?" she asked, watching me rummage through my desk. I knew that she had accepted what I told her as true, but this hadn't stopped her worrying about me.

"Oh, nothing, just a photo," I murmured as she came near. "My friend gave me one the other day and I just can't find it."

I couldn't believe it. Billie had only just given it to me and I'd already lost it?

"Have you looked on the kitchen table?"

I nodded, tucking my hair behind my ears.

"You'll find it, I'm sure. It won't be lost."

She tilted her head and tidied a lock of hair on my collarbone. As she looked me in the eyes, I felt a surge of affection for her warming my chest. "I've got something for you."

A small box appeared under my nose.

I came back to my senses and looked at the wrapping paper, unsure what to say. When I opened it, I couldn't believe my eyes.

"I know it's not the best," Anna commented as I pulled away the wrapping. "And it's definitely not the latest model, but, well, this way I can always know where you and Rigel are. I gave him one too."

A cell phone. Anna was giving me a cell phone. I stared at her, utterly speechless.

"It's already got a SIM, and I've put my number in the contacts," she explained calmly. "You can reach me at any time. I've put Norman's and Rigel's number in there too."

I was unable to express what I was feeling at that moment, with something so important in my hands.

I thought about all the times I'd daydreamed about exchanging numbers with a friend, or hearing my phone ringing somewhere, knowing that someone was looking for me, that someone wanted to speak specifically with me.

"I...Anna, I, I can't..." I stammered. I looked at her, enraptured, overwhelmed with gratitude. "Thank you so much."

It was surreal. I had never had anything of my own, except for that caterpillar plushie...

Why did Anna go so out of her way for me? Why did she give me clothes, underwear, such long-lasting things? I knew I shouldn't delude myself. I knew that nothing was for certain. And yet I couldn't help but hope.

Hope that she wanted to keep me with her.

Hope that we could stay together, that she was starting to care about me as much as I cared about her.