The Broken Heart Syndrome

CHAPTER 3

RHYTHM

"Oh my God! Rhythm, you've gotten so skinny. Don't you eat anything?"

Oh yes, this is the greeting I get from everyone who meets me. They like to remind me and tell me how skinny I've gotten since the last time they saw me. Like I don't see myself every time I look in the mirror. I know I am a skinny girl I've always been and it never was an insecurity of mine. I knew I looked good whenever I wanted to. You may call it self-absorbed I call it self-awareness. I always had difficulty in gaining weight but it never made me feel bad about myself.

Yeah well, it was the case till last year. 2021 was the lowest point of my life. I just gave up. I just couldn't do it anymore. I gave up on eating, bathing and just everything. All I did was sleep, binge-watch movies and only eat something when someone gave me something.

This lasted almost a year which did not help my already skinny physique. I weighed like 38kgs last year and now it's around 41 that for a 22-year-old female, so yeah, I am well aware of my body. I like to focus on the little progress I make like now I've taken the initiative to eat more and do yoga, it's one of the very few positive aspects I've going on right now.

I just smile at my aunt and excuse myself to the bathroom.

It's been hard for me to look in the mirror these days. Not because I'm ashamed of anything but because I just don't recognize myself anymore. I don't know who I see when I look into my empty brown eyes. It always makes me frown, have they always been this devoid of emotions?

Splashing some cold water on my face, I try to keep myself present in the moment and not go back into my funk.

As cliché as it sounds, doing my skincare always makes me feel grounded. Unbinding my hair from the bun and massaging my scalp, I braid my wavy hair that falls to my mid-back.

The last two days have been exhausting. I haven't gained any stamina yet; I can't even do any hard yoga, that's how bad my stamina is. So yeah, I need to sleep, like right now.

Finally, after taking a deep breath I step out of the bathroom.

"Where you sleeping in there or what?" asks my cousin Sameer, making me jump.

"Jesus! you scared me!"

"That was the plan," he says, laughing.

I give him my best glare and go back to the living room. And thank God there's a cup of chai waiting for me. Ahh!!

"So, how are you?" asks Anya Didi.

"I'm good. How about you?" I ask with a smile. I like Anya Di. She's nice and just gives me good vibes whenever I've met her.

"I'm good as well," she says, returning my smile.

"Have you decided on your outfit for tomorrow?" she asks, excitedly.

"Ugh! Don't remind me! I'm just going to go with my go-to all-black outfit of crop top, flared jeans and boots that's the best thing I have for this kind of of party."

"Oh shush! You are not wearing that. I might have an extra lehenga or saree for you. You'll wear that." She declares, like there is no changing her mind.

" No! di, no! I can't do ethnic wear. I won't be comfortable and I don't think I can carry any kind of ethnic wear right now." I try to explain.

And it's because for the first time in my life I don't feel confident about my underweighted body. I don't want to feel like the clothes are wearing me and not the other way around.

She squints her eyes at me and says, "We'll talk tomorrow."

Soon it's time for dinner and some more small talk and all I can think about is sleeping. I need to go back to my current fake scenario and sleep the last two days off.