𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐆𝐄 𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐁𝐀𝐆, rodrick heffley

06. amiss

❛ ━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━ ❜
chapter six: amiss

[a/n]: enjoy the chapter! this one is dedicated to all of you lovely commenters. i won't name names, but you know who you are. ily.
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━━━ "I'M NOT GOING TO BE able to keep Noah's rampant annoyances at bay just by myself. You're going to have to really perform at your boyfriend-ly duties, Rodrick," Haley orders him the next morning at her locker.

Her locker is adorned with a short string of fairy lights, white shelves, magnetic pen and eraser cups, and cheesy, inspirational slogans -- the kind you would find for 50% off at your local Best Buy because no one buys that shit except for Haley Buxbaum.

The notebooks are multicolored and organized in rainbow order, as are her binders and folders. In her pen organizer, they are organized by height from shortest to tallest. 

Rodrick slumps and gives her a 'seriously?' look. He grabs her shoulders, turning her to him, and says, "Take a deep breath...and say that in English."

Haley scoffs and hits him in the face with her notebook. "I mean, Noah's not going to leave me alone. Ever. So you have to be more serious about this whole fake-boyfriend thing. I'm counting on you Rodrick."

"Okay," Rodrick sighs, leaning his elbow on the locker beside hers. "So, what do I even have to do to be boyfriend-ly?"

"As much as I dislike this as well...kisses, walking me to class, maybe something on Valentine's Day--"

"No way this fake relationship is making it to Valentine's Day," Rodrick cuts in, swiping his hand sharply for emphasis. "I've got better things to do."

"Is getting stoned out of your mind apart of your well-rounded agenda?" Haley mocks him, raising a challenging eyebrow at him.

"Yes," he answers simply. "And, Buxbaum, it doesn't really seem like you dislike these things if you're asking me to do them. Just saying."

"Rodrick!" Haley exclaims, brushing an exhausted hand over her forehead. "Must you be so difficult?"

"It's my coping mechanism."

"Stop coping."

"That's not very girlfriend-ly of you."

"Shut up."

"Aw," Rodrick coos. "That's the best you can do?"

"I'm leaving now!" Haley calls out, her hair swishing behind her in loose curls. "You're going to be late for class if you don't hurry up!"

━━━ "SO, DOES BEING BOYFRIEND-LY MEAN I have to sit with you and Lisbeth at lunch?" Rodrick whines, looking across the hall to Lisbeth Wright's locker, where the blonde is applying a fresh coat of lipstick in front of a pocket mirror.

"No," Haley answers, chuckling. "Lisbeth hates you."

"I assumed that much."

"Assumed? Look at your vocabulary, Heffley," Haley jokes.

"Hey, I guess you've been a good influence just like my mom wanted," Rodrick says, shrugging.

Suddenly, a dark and looming figure makes its way around the corner of the hallway, taking notice of the pair and making a beeline towards them. Well, not really a dark and looming figure, but in the depths of Haley's imagination, it might as well be.