Heart of Spades

Chapter Eight

Travis helped me clean up my shoulders, the areas I couldn't reach. It's weird, we went from strangers to friends. I hardly knew him at the beginning of this game, but now. I feel like I know everything about him, even when I don't. "I think, that maybe, this is fate." he says suddenly. I look up at him, raising an eyebrow.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Like, time, he's been around for centuries, even in the world Queen Alice came from, but he can decide the future here, he's not a fortune teller, exactly, more of destiny himself."

I nod, slightly understanding what he's trying to tell me. "So, you're saying, that whatever will happen to me, or all of us, is because time has made it fate?" he nods. And I try not to think about what the man had told me, this card, the girl on here, is you. I can see it. And I know you know it. Your destiny is about to take a wrong turn, for all of us.

And I know that maybe he was right.

I glance back at Travis and find his eyes on me, the room is dark and quiet, lit by the moon in the night sky. His eyes glitter like amber, and I find myself blushing. He's larger than I am, muscular and his face is chiseled, but he still has that boyish look, he's only nineteen. He's close enough to brush a hand through my hair, the wine-red hair in between his fingers, it sends shivers up my scalp. Then I ask a question my mother asked me years ago, she said it depends on what type of person they are, who they are. "The moon or the stars?" If they choose the moon, that means they are connected to feelings, being able to feel you, to care.

If they choose the stars, that means they are mostly about themselves, and would rather not pay attention to others, because they gleam too brightly for others.

Clara chose the moon, everyone I trust chose the moon, because even though it is beautiful, scars cover the surface and deep inside.

He looks surprised by my question, and he's still looking into my eyes when he says, "your eyes." I let out a small laugh, but then realize he's serious. My smile drops.

"I can't see why." My eyes are different colors, my right a deep amber and the left, a bright blue.

"They're curious, they tell everything that you can't say yourself. And it makes me trust you."

My smile drops even further, "you shouldn't. You know that this "game" isn't really a game. She plans on killing the losers."

He looks away, pain plain on his face when he answers, "I know." I stand up, needing to breathe, the heat between us too strong, pulling me towards him in no way a boy has ever done. And I don't realize he's followed me until his fingers graze my wrist, I take a sharp intake of breath and heat shoots to my face. And he turns me to face him, and I try to find somewhere else to look, but every time I find his eyes and they are so pretty, and I wish that the bastard would just kiss me- "maybe I want one last memory before I die to destiny." He says, then his lips are against mine. They aren't hungry like the other boys I've kissed before; they aren't angry, they aren't jealous. They are sincere, as if he knows what he's doing and he's apologizing by touch. He lets go of my wrist and I wrap my arms around his neck. His hands find the small of my back and crawl up my spine, going under my hair and to my neck and rubbing the tender skin there.

He pulls me closer, and he breaks the kiss gasping for air, "you sure you want this?" he asks, and I nod, not saying anything, afraid my voice will betray me. And we're kissing again, and it's so forceful that I find myself stumbling backward, and my back finds the wall and he's pushing me against it, his lips move down my neck, pressing kisses to my jawline.

And then I wonder, why I pushed him away, why I'm pushing everyone away. And I think that maybe I can love him, share my deepest secrets with him. Share my darkest ones too, to have him know everything about me and live in his arms. To tell me he loves me with sincerity and truth. And I know we're just strangers in a cruel world, begging for a tender touch, but this feels like fate. And to look deep into his eyes and know he's telling the truth. I want to share everything with him. I want him to know me.

"Oh gods-" his fingers shake as he touches me, and my skin is burning with heat, but he's so much warmer than I am, and our lips touch as if they were molded to fit together, to be together.

A knock on the door.

"Mary?" Sylvia, her voice is tight and demanding. "Are you in there? I couldn't find you and Queen Alice is demanding for every contestant to get in a line." I mumble a couple curses and Travis lets me go. I stumble away from him, and I'm suddenly to aware of what just happened. I open the door slightly and Sylvia is watching me with an accusing glare. "You look drunk."

"I am." I state, and she rolls her eyes.

"Come on, we got to go." she grabs my arm and yanks me out, dragging me down the hall. "You know, I honestly hope she doesn't punish you for leaving. This was a necessary attendance-" Travis's mentor stops in front of us, "have you seen Travis? He disappeared a few minutes ago." she says. Sylvia turns to look at me, a gleam in her eyes and my face heats. "Mary," she says, "do you know where he is?"

"No!" I say much too quickly, and they both let out a small laugh, and I've never been more embarrassed in my life. "I swear, I don't know where he is-" 

Travis appears behind us. Holy saints!

"Sorry, am I missing anything important? I was just in my room looking for something."

Sylvia narrows her eyes, "what?"

"These." He grabs the cards out of his pocket, purposefully facing them downwards and handing them to me. I mouth a quick thank you. And we start walking again. My lips tingle from the kiss and I just want to live in that again, I bring my fingers up to my mouth and graze the tips of my nails against it imagining his lips against mine again- Not right now not right now not right now. We walk into the ballroom and

Panic takes me by surprise.

Wrapping itself around my body and refusing to let go. And her eyes find mine and they are full of glee and treachery.