Heart of Spades

Chapter Nine

Almost everyone is lined up, announcing the new game. Me and Travis head over into the line, and I don't want to feel fear, I just do. I'm scared for what might happen, for what Queen Alice may do. Everyone crowds around us, glares and worried glances.

Then I want to cry.

I see Phoebe standing with my mother, and her eyes are searching, searching, and I know she's looking for me and I want to run over and hug her, I imagined she wouldn't care. But her eyes are glassy with tears and my mom has a handkerchief in hand, her fingers shaking. I spot my father drinking rum and talking to the nobles and card guards. My father never really cared for me, even after I got the limp from the dark magic.

I shudder just thinking about it.

And every time I think about it, I can just remember the feeling of it settling in my bones and ripping apart the veins and feeling the blood run inside of me.

And I know that if I want to run, it doesn't work as well as it should.

Queen Alice begins announcing the game. "Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, welcome to this wonderful festival! I know it's been a while since you've seen your children, siblings, or friends-"

I don't hear the rest of her sentence. All I see is my friend. With her short glowing white, blonde hair and large eyes.

Clara. My best friend. I wonder if she's looking for me, or if she even cares. We were hanging out during the ceremony, but I feel suddenly guilty. I didn't even think about her at all. I force my gaze away from her and turn towards Alice, disgust gnawing in my chest.

"-The game will start tomorrow evening, come one, come all and enjoy the show!" And with that she bows, and the lights dim. I try not to think about the man that boxed me against the wall, demanding to know where I got the cards. He doesn't need to know, and why should I tell him? I'm startled back to the present with a light tap to my shoulder. I whip around to find Travis, he blinks stepping back. "Hey, are you okay?" He says, then everything comes back. Everything we did. My cheeks heat and I gulp, "uh, yeah. Totally." I hate how I sound though, it was foolish of me to kiss him, to even think that we could be friends. Or even more than that. It's terrible how things end up, especially since everyone dies in the end, and I can't risk losing someone I love. That, kiss, was a one time thing, to experience it before I die. It's still so early, it's only been a week.

Yet...

I shake my head, clearing my thoughts. He blinks at me, "Okay," then his gaze lights up when he spots something behind me. I turn around, but he's already pushing past me.

I guess it was a one time thing for him too.

He's embraced by a woman-whom I'm guessing is his mom- and she clings to him. I turn to face my own mother, Phoebe clinging to her dress, eyes searching, until her gaze meets mine. Tears bubble in her eyes, and she tugs on moms dress, and then mom see's me.

They rush over, and Phoebe crushes me with an embrace. I chuckle, "nice to see you too." Though my voice is choked, on the verge of tears. I hadn't realized how much I missed them, even on the verge of a week. And still, the guilt claws at me. I hadn't thought about any of them.

"We didn't know what had happened to you, Mary. We were worried sick. And your father..." She trials off, and takes a big drink of her wine. I don't pry though, father loved me...But not like he loved my mom, or Phoebe. I laugh, "I missed you guys." Then my smile drops. "Look, I just wanted to...I don't know, but if something happens during the games. I do, I really do, love you guys. These games, they-they are...Not what you'd expect." My mom narrows her eyes, but doesn't pry. Phoebe just laughs.

"Whatever, Mary, I'm sure you'll win. You're so good at games!"

A small smile barely makes it to my mouth. It's so hard to imagine leaving them. Any of them, at all. "-There you are!" And I'm crushed by a hug. Turning my head, I laugh, seeing Clara. Setting me down, she faces me, "Oh gods, Mary, you have no idea how worried I was! Me and Marcel were freaking out when you got taken away! Hell knows what's going here, right?" She laughs, but I can't make myself. It's all...To much. I make myself nod though, and force a small grin to my face. I see a scowl crawl on my mom's face, but I reach for Clara's hand. "Come on, lets go get a drink." I pull her towards the wine.

I realize that I'm still holding the cards in my hand. Then, I stuff them in-between my breasts, under the top of the dress. That works, no one would dare touch there.

Me and Clara have a few shots of wine, and I don't even think about my mom while I'm doing it. Every worry just washes away. Well, until tomorrow at least.