Stray Kids Drabbles

Already gone

Genre: Comfort/hurt 

You're grieving the death of someone you loved when Jeongin finds you breaking down. 

Trigger warning: Death, grief, depression and anxiety surrounding death.

A/N: Sorry for writing about death and grief so much. Someone I knew died and I wasn't close to them, but it just made me slightly spiral because death is omnipotent and we're all dying some day. It kind of gave me an internal crisis and it came out in the form of writing. 

There's so many questions I have about it and I'll never know all the answers until I die. I believe there's, at least, one more death drabble, but it won't be posted for a while. I'll cut you some slack and stay away from death for a bit. In the wise words of Peter Pan, 'to die will be an awfully big adventure.'

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Outside the snow fell from the sky and drifted down silently. In the streetlights, it glistened like diamonds. Outside it was entirely silent. Not a car with a revving engine, not the loudness of another human, and not even the sound of a nearby animal.

You sucked in another mouthful of the icy air and exhaled. In front of you, your breath jutted out in a stream of hot air. The outdoors always felt fresher this time of the year. Something about the cold was refreshing for your lungs.

The burn as you inhaled and the steady exhale. You shut your eyes with your arms wrapped over your chest. Grief was so hard to deal with. It was too much to carry by yourself and you were crumbling.

You tried so hard to pretend like everything was fine. One of the best people you knew had just died and yet you continued to act like it was normal. At least, it was that way until tonight.

In the dead of a bitter winter night, you stood on your front porch with a frown on your face. You tried to put up a brave front. You tried to pretend you were okay because it was easier than to admit something was wrong.

Death isn't always kind to everyone. It snatches some people in their sleep and others as they burn in flames. It coaxes babies out of cribs and slips in and out of hospital rooms without anyone noticing until it's too late.

You weren't sure how you were supposed to feel at this point. You weren't depressed, but you weren't happy either. You were entirely numb to everything around you and that included your boyfriend.

When your loved one was ripped away, he was there when you got the phone call. When you uttered the words out loud that changed your life forever, he was there. His warm hand slipped into yours and he tried to make you feel better, but it wasn't enough.

The apologies from people, the pity, the mourning, all of it, you didn't want to deal with it. From that point on, you shut down. What else were you supposed to do? How else were you supposed to cope?

All the things that made life seem worth living slowly faded away and slipped through your fingers. Those hobbies you spent hours enjoying seemed senseless now. What was the point of enjoying anything when all you could think about was them?

How could you enjoy your life when death could rip you away at any moment? How were you supposed to live knowing that? Knowing that one day you'd have to leave the people you loved behind and it'd destroy them.

The overwhelming thought made you want to curl up in a ball and cry. Most nights, that's all you had been doing. You went to bed with Jeongin, waited until he fell asleep, and then let the silent tears fall.