Stray Kids Drabbles

Drowning

Genre: Comfort/hurt with angst

After you suffer a miscarriage, it feels like the entire world is ending and nothing will ever be the same.

Trigger warning: Miscarriage, child loss, depression, mentions of stillborn baby and all the effects that come with life after pregnancy.

A/N: I wrote this on a whim a while ago after thinking too much about a family member who happened to suffer from their own miscarriage. This is the first and only fic I have that's specifically labeled as containing a female reader, but feel free to ignore that. If you've ever gone through this, I'm so sorry. This is one of those situations that are unfair and grief is so hard. Some days my empathy suffocates me and this was an emotional release for that. Please read with caution.

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

People always talk about the pregnancy glow. They talk about the radiant skin and bright eyes. The aura of happiness surrounding the mother and the pep in their step. There's a joy in bringing a new life into the world, but they don't talk about what happens when it doesn't work out.

Laying on the floor of the nursery, you couldn't understand why. Why did people get to bring a new life into the world, but not you? Your baby never got to see the way the world looked outside the womb. There were no colors and no sounds. Not the gentleness of a mother's voice or the warm cradle from the father.

Miscarriages didn't happen to everyone, but it happened to you. After excruciating stomach cramps and bleeding, you went to the hospital. The worst part? You already knew. You knew something was wrong, you were just hoping the motherly instincts were wrong. You were hoping it was just your nerves.

You'd go in and the doctor would see you. You'd be checked on and so would the baby. You'd get to hear the faint walloping of the heartbeat and you'd be relieved of all your worries while soaking it in, but...that didn't happen.

You saw it in the nurse's face when she was pressing the ultrasound wand against your stomach. She excused herself from the room to get the doctor and you just knew. That little soft pitter-patter was gone and so was your everything.

That glittering glimpse of a future you held onto slipped between your fingers. When the doctor sat on the stool, picked up the wand, and began to slip it across the cool gel on your stomach, the world seemed to stop. Before she spoke, you saw the sadness physically fill her eyes.

The part where she explained your options became muddled. You couldn't remember it, but somehow Jeongin showed up and entered the room. His teary eyes went to you and that's when it finally clicked in your brain. Your baby was gone and they weren't coming back.

The messy finger-painted photos, you envisioned decorating your fridge, would never come to fruition. Memories of the baby shower and all the baby stuff you had would never be used. The clothes would remain folded in the small dresser and collect dust.

That baby book you purchased with Jeongin, it'd never be used. The little hats and the conversations about newborn photos, gone.

Gone. Gone. Gone.

Everything was gone.

The two of you hadn't settled on a name. You both wanted the gender to be a surprise. Caught up in a mist of sadness, you still didn't know the gender. The memories were hazy and nothing quite made sense.

You remember screaming at Jeongin and then screaming at the doctor. Anguish gripped your heart until it burst. When a peach cup got thrown at the doctor's head, nurses got involved.