The Wilds

Lamina pov

"Stay...please..." That was the first thing I said in almost a week. I should have said something sooner because it was so awkward.
"Of course."
I would beg her to stay if I had to. I need somebody right now.
I feel so horribly alone.
I want to be held, and even though it hurts, I need somebody like Brandy to tell me everything is going to be okay. People tell me it all the time but she sounded like she meant it. The others sound unsure if the future is bright. They act like we're all going to die every single day. It's so freaking scary but at least we're hopefully safe. I really have no clue if the peacekeepers will find us or if we actually will die out here, but I want to have the reassurance somebody still believes we will be okay. I really don't know anymore. We could all die tomorrow. Nobody knows if the peacekeepers have searched all of the districts and moved to the wilds yet. It's terrifying when you don't have a TV or anything to know what's happening with Panem.

I know I'll never feel love again or at least for a long time. I guess you could say I don't believe in it anymore. It's scary, you could lose the person you love any minute when your living like this. Even in the districts. That's the worst part of it. I always wonder what it would be like if I was born in a different time. Way before the war. Or at least in a different part of the world.

Everything reminds me of Treech at this point. The trees seem to be mocking my sadness and I wish I had the energy to cut them down in revenge. It's horrible that every time I see a tree it reminds me of him.
I really don't know if there's an afterlife, but if there is, I hope he is okay. I hope he is living a better life than he had on Panem.
He would be in an endless sleep.

I feel like I can't stop crying. People have told me it's good to cry but I cry until it hurts. I cry until I run out of tears. It gets so bad sometimes that I feel like I can't breathe. I don't know if it's normal or not.
Everything feels like it hurts lately.

I think I just need to sleep and hope it gets better in the morning. Brandy's arms are wrapped around me and I feel the safest I've felt in a while. I don't want her to let go. Her warmth is the only thing keeping me together. The feeling of her against my back and her hand that moved to lay in mine.
I guess she needed some comfort too.

"I know you're awake, Lamina. I know your mind is racing but you need to calm down. Get some sleep."
I knew she would tell at some point. I'm not sure how but she did. I need to listen to her, at least try, but it's so difficult.
I feel like I'm going to cry again. I have to hold it in, I can't let her see again. She already saw my weak side once and I don't need her to see it again.

It took so long but I finally fell asleep.