Eyes Wide Open

Chapter 04

Isn't it interesting how music can explain a situation your going through better than a person with similar memories. Music has helped me through my toughest times. Right now, that's all I needed. I just wanted to listen to music and listen to the rain..

My dad tends to ' think out loud ' and its really annoying. Right now he was ranting about how he is an adult, blah blah blah, how he has the right to feel loved blah blah blah. I turned the volume of my headphones up, I didn't want to hear it. What pissed me off was, how could he simply move on so fast. I know that he still loves her, but did he really love her?

My favorite song came on, Chemical Prisoner by Falling In Reverse. The story behind the song was about Ronnie, the lead singer, and how he was a drug addict and it tore his family apart.. Sounds like someone I know. When my mom was drugged she was on a rollercoaster of emotions. The drugs forced her to do things she'd deepy regret later, but didn't care at the moment because that, at the moment, was what made her happy.. She only did what made her happy. The second those drugs wore off she slipped into a depressed wreck. She eventually quit her job because she felt like the crack was her escape from the adult world. I guess you could say my mom never grew up, and it was affecting her decisions.. Now she's stuck in a world where that's all she needs. Without it. She's nothing. When my mom does crack, its like a mask.. You see a side of her that you don't want to see; prostitution, drugs, bringing guys home. And when those drugs wear off, or she takes off the mask, you see the true woman she is. A depressed 45 year old with no job, no family, no money. She's alone and on her own.

I knew that this wasn't the only reason he wanted to leave....something was up. I could feel it. It wasn't all my moms fault. My dad swears like he's the innocent one.. Something just didn't feel right.. Out of all the places. Why England? Why somewhere far from Lanark, Scotland? What was he hiding..

Something broke my train of thoughs, water drops. Water drops were softly hitting the glass window. I rested my hand on the window, the heat of my hand causing the window around my spread fingers to steam up, kinda like the mirror when your in the shower. I haven't seen rain in a while, so this was amazing. Slowly, I sat up and watched as we drove through the forest. It was just a green blur, the car was going to fast.. The ground is slippery, from the hail that had fallen before we got here.

" Can you go any faster? " I mumbled loud enough for him to hear. " You know what, just shut your fucking mouth okay. I'm trying to fucking concentrate and I don't need you to be bitching about how I'm driving " he snapped and drove a little bit faster. I was surprised... He never said something so cruel to me. " Slow down! We're going to crash! " I scream, he was speeding at around 90. I held onto something, I knew this wasn't going to end well. I kept screaming at him to slow down, he got so mad he kept telling me to shut up.

I saw a car driving past us I noticed our car started to swerve into the other lane..

" DA- "