I didn't choose her, my heart did

The struggle

Lucy's POV

I rushed home, my mind in a whirl of emotions. Once inside my flat, everything felt empty and cold. Keira's absence filled the room with an oppressive silence that overwhelmed me.

I let myself fall onto the sofa and let the tears flow freely. It felt like my heart had broken into a thousand pieces. Keira had always been my rock, my support, and now she was gone.

I remembered the days we spent together, the smiles, the hugs, the little gestures that brought us so close together. But now all that seemed lost.

As I lay there, enveloped by a sea of sadness, I realised how much Keira meant to me. I needed her, not just as my roommate, but as my friend, my partner, my everything.

But now she was gone, and I didn't know how to move on. I felt lost, lonely and broken. And as the tears continued to flow, I wished I could just get her back, that everything could be normal again.

_

I was woken the next morning by knocking on the door. A heavy feeling of emptiness pressed on my chest. I turned up and reached out to the other end of the bed, hoping to feel a body, but I only reached for sheets and pillows. Keira was not there. She had not come back.

Again the knocking sounded, forced and inevitable. With lead in my shoes, I dragged myself out of bed and stumbled down the corridor to the front door. Every step seemed like a battle against gravity, every breath felt like a struggle.

I looked through the peephole and saw Steph standing there. It seemed like she realised I was looking at her, because she broke the silence in a soft but determined voice: "Lucia, please open the door. You know I'm going to stand here until you let me in."

She was right. It was no surprise that she was now at my door, ready to support me. She had helped me in difficult times before, and I knew I could trust her.

With a sigh, I opened the door. Steph smiled encouragingly and stepped into my flat. "Hey," she said in a quiet tone, her eyes full of understanding. "How are you feeling?"

I took a deep breath and let the words come out of my mouth hesitantly. "It's hard, Steph. Everything feels so... empty without her.""

I took a deep breath and averted my gaze, unable to look her in the eye. "I'll get through," I muttered, though I wasn't sure I could.
Steph asked me a few more questions, but I could only vaguely give her answers. My body felt weak and nauseous, as if it could collapse under the burden of my emotions at any moment.

"Lucy, are you all right?" asked Steph worriedly. "Sorry to put it this way, but you look really bad. You have circles under your eyes and you look pale."

I swallowed heavily and forced a smile. "Yeah, I just feel a bit nauseous."

But the truth was that my nausea was not just caused by physical discomfort. It was the pain in my heart that made me gasp, that made me giddy with sadness and confusion.

Then I asked something that had been playing in my head all night: "Where is Keira staying now?"

Steph seemed to hesitate before answering. "She is currently staying with Leah, but..."

Before she could finish her sentence, I felt a wave of nausea pass through me. My body gave up, no longer able to bear the emotional and physical pain it felt.

I ran to the bathroom, gagging and gasping for breath. This was the straw, the final blow that my fragile mind and body could no longer bear.

I started throwing up when I heard Steph approaching the toilet. "Oh Lucy goodness," she said holding my hair behind my head as I threw up. It felt humiliating to be so weak, to expose my weakness so clearly to someone else.

When I finished, Steph said, still worried, "Training is about to start, but I assume you're not going?"

"No, Steph, I'd rather stay here, at home, in my bed," I replied, my voice hoarse from the emotions racing through me.

"Is fine, then I'll call Taylor, because I won't leave you alone," Steph decided firmly.

Just then, Narla came over. "I'm not alone, I still have Narla," I said with a small smile, my loyal companion who was always by my side.

"Steph, go ahead. I'll be fine," I assured her, although I wasn't sure if that was really true.

Steph didn't seem entirely convinced, but she gave in anyway. "Call me if you need anything, and I'll be here within 10 minutes," she said before leaving my flat.

Then I was left alone, leaning against the bathtub. Here I was, back alone, alone with my thoughts winding through my mind like poisonous snakes.

Keira's POV
I was currently sitting in the dressing room, my mind still wandering to the previous night. It felt strange that both Lucy and Steph were not there yet. Normally, they were always the first. It had almost become a ritual, a regular part of our morning routine.

I noticed that the dressing room was quieter than usual. No teasing comments from Lucy, no cheerful laughter from Steph. It felt strange, almost unreal.

I couldn't help but think back to the moments we shared, especially the night before. It was the first time we had argued, and now it felt like a distance had grown between us. A distance I wasn't used to and didn't really want at all.

Normally, Lucy and I would be together now, sharing our secret glances, exchanging our usual banter. But today was different. Today we were separated by more than just the distance in the changing room.

When Steph walked into the changing room, I expected to see Lucy coming after her, as always. But the door closed without Lucy. Seeing Steph's worried face, I knew immediately that something was wrong with Lucy. Before I could say anything, Keets asked, "Does anyone know where Lucy is?" Steph replied with a worried tone: "Lucy won't come to training today. She is ... she's sick."

It felt strange to hear that Lucy was ill. I knew Lucy well enough to know that she would never miss training because of a mere 'illness'. There had to be more to it. The thought that it could have something to do with what had happened the previous night crept up on me.

My thoughts began to race. Was Lucy really sick, or was there more to it? Was she okay? And perhaps more importantly, was this all my fault?

Training felt strange without Lucy. Her absence hung over my head like a heavy burden, and I couldn't concentrate. The thoughts of Lucy became too overwhelming, so I decided to go to Steph for answers.

"Steph, what is going on with Lucy? I know her well enough to know that there is more going on. Is this related to what happened last night?" My voice sounded worried, and I wanted nothing more than to know the truth.

Steph looked at me with a look full of concern. "I'm really worried about her, Keira. When she opened the door this morning, she looked like a zombie. She looked like she hadn't slept all night, and she was really pale. Then she had to go to the toilet because she was throwing up."These words touched me deeply. Lucy had always been the strong, confident woman, and to hear that she was so weakened made my heart race. "But do you think it will be all right with time?" I asked hopefully, but I feared the answer.

"Keira, you don't think this will go away with time, do you?" replied Steph with a worried look. "You should go and talk to Lucy. Right now she is alone with her thoughts, and I know her. Her thoughts are her worst enemies. She will not open up to anyone. To no one but you, Keira."

Lucy's POV
I lay in the sofa all day, staring at the ground. I didn't even bother to eat. I felt empty. I only now realise what they mean by 'you only realise how much you love someone when you lose them'. And that's what happened. I only realise now that I like Keira. More than just a teammate, more than just a friend. But now it's all over. Now she's probably snuggling with her girlfriend Leah. I've lost her forever.

I was brought out of my thoughts by knocking on the door. "Steph, go away, I don't want to talk to anyone." A silence followed, making me think she had left. But then the knocking sounded again. "Oh my god," I sighed as I got up from the couch. I opened the door and said, "Steph, isn't it obvious that..." But I couldn't finish my sentence, I saw her - Keira. I saw the one face that could always make me smile. But my body was too weak. That same face made me cry now.

AN: I'm back!!!