A Father's Journey Of Renewal And Embrace

Chapter 5 - Overthinker

The instant the front door slowly opened, all of my troubles disappeared. I was eager to welcome Ricochet back from school, but instead of doing so, I brought myself to a halt at the kitchen doorway and watched her silently enter the room as she kept her eyes fixed on the ground.

I felt her energy throw itself at me, and for a split second my smile faltered. She didn't appear joyful, but she also didn't appear unhappy. She gave off an almost callous air, as though her day had been too hectic for her to even acknowledge it.

She said nothing and gave me the same total disregard that she had shown me earlier this morning. I watched her go stealthily, like a mouse, towards her room and saw through her grimace that she needed some alone time for the moment.

I imagined this to turn out very differently...

I had everything ready for her to come home! I gave all of this a lot of thought, considering how shit of a father I've been and how deserving she is! I considered everything carefully for her with the time I had for myself today... 

I had some more time to think about what she wanted to tell me last night because of this. What if she wasn't really over it and was only keeping her actual feelings hidden from me? Still, it was a worthwhile question. I made up my mind on what to do next and walked down the hall, gently tapping on her door when I reach the end of it. 

There is no way I'm stepping out on her now; I know I've made crazy ass mistakes, and that I need to make some changes to this relationship before it gets out of control.. but I still believe that there's still a chance to fix this, to fix us. To fix me the most..

When Ricochet didn't answer my first five knocks, I knocked again. Then again. But nothing came in response.. not even the sound of movement was heard inside. My worry started to peak to its highest point. "Shay, my girl, Can you open the door?" I shout, knocking numerous times on the door. I started getting frustrated with myself, and growled a rough sigh before sitting down.

"Be patient with her, love"...

Remembering those words, the ones that well missed voice that awoke my senses from last night had told me, I took a deep breath to process everything in my head and took time into thinking of a practical plan, one that would hopefully succeed..

Fuck, who am I kidding? This isn't my thing, I don't think things through well enough..

But I still have to try for her.. at the very least... for her..

"Ricochet, is there something you need to tell me?"

Ofcourse, my unreliable mind came up with the same question I've been using on her for years whenever she was upset, I think it's time to change that..

"Hey.." I tap on the door gently with a voice much softer than before.

"If there's something wrong, then tell me. I'm trying my hardest to help you, my girl, but you're not making that easy for me.." 

My efforts in trying to urge her into telling me her issues was proven unsuccessful when my response was utter silence..

"Please, tell me whenever you're comfortable.. and don't bottle it up inside."

After waiting a little while to see if she had any more to say, I left without hearing back from her. Is she being more moody than before, or is it just me? But naturally, I quickly forget my plans for the evening and head back to the kitchen to choose what to eat for dinner—until I realise that I have leftover McDonald's from earlier in the day. 

Since I knew she wouldn't answer my knock, I quickly sent her a message on my phone, telling her that I had left her McDonald's for her dinner outside her door and that she was welcome to grab it whenever she wanted. I just needed to be patient with her..

I take my time strolling around to defuse my anxiety and decide it would be best to leave her alone for the time being, then, not long after hearing her door creak open and then softly close with the same click, I check my phone to see that she had received my message. Knowing that she had at least taken the food, I grinned a little. Soon, I feel my energy spiking up again, which was a good sign.. But the overthinking slowly saps my energy again after returning to the kitchen to decide what to have for dinner, but not long after, I give up.

Fuck it all. I'm ordering myself some pizza..