There's No Such Thing as Second Chances

Moring after

I woke up feeling incredibly rested and calm. The uneasy and anxious feelings, that I was dealing with since the accident, were gone.

If I wasn't so stressed about my mother, and getting back to her, I would have enjoyed myself a lot more.
I couldn't remember the last time I felt this excited to merely sleep beside someone.  Even my first night with Derrick didn't make me feel as good as this.

"I'm drunk" Derrick looked at me with his big eyes and tried to make a cute face.  We had gone out for a nice meal and decided to go to the bar across the street for a couple of more drinks.

The music was loud and the place was a lot more packed than I would have expected on a Sunday but I was enjoying myself nonetheless. I wasn't big on clubs but decided to go with the flow. Derrick wanted to let loose after a rough week and I wasn't going to be the party pooper.

"Well maybe we should go home. I can drive, I stopped five drinks ago" I extended my hand and gestured for him to pass me his keys.

"I can't let you drive my baby" he slurred his speech. I couldn't say that it was attractive but decided to push my judgment away. "Unless...."

"Unless what?" I eyed him suspiciously.

"You let me stay over." He grinned like he had already won, " no funny business. Just want to wake up to you in my arms".

My heart skipped and I weighed my options. I liked him, a lot...but I liked my sleep a lot more. We had been together for less than two months and I didn't know how comfortable I'd be with him in my bed.

"Fine" I answered against my better judgement. He was drunk and I wanted to go home. "No funny business. Just sleep"

He shook my hand and laughed.

"Deal. Let's go"

I grabbed his keys and we made our way to the car. The drive home was uneventful and he was hard asleep when we arrived at my condo.

It took me twenty minutes to get him out of the vehicle and another ten to get him into bed.

I felt like I was back in college taking care of my drunken roommate.

That night, I barely slept as I listened to him snore and smelled nothing but alcohol.  When I woke up in the morning, the giddy feelings that I expected to have weren't there. All I felt was a bit of disappointment instead.

He made up for it by taking me out for breakfast but I felt like shit for the rest of the day. It wasn't exactly a great first but I liked him and decided let it go.

I understood the pressures he faced from his father and family and felt bad for him. There were always going to be other, and better, nights.

I shook my head and tried to push the butterflies down as his arm brushed against mine. I decided to lay perfectly still to savour the moment. 

I didn't want to wake him and I was perfectly contempt to stay like this forever.  Something about this place and him gave me a piece of happiness that I thought I'd lost forever and never feel again.

"Good morning" a voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I realized Eric was no longer sleeping.

"Hi," was the only thing I could say back suddenly feeling very exposed and afraid that he overheard my thoughts.

"How did you sleep?" He gave me a quick smile and my heart began to race. I needed to get a hold of myself and stop acting like a teenager. I didn't know anything about him but already felt like I was falling hard.

"Decent, I slept better than I had for a long time. Since the accident I've been feeling restless but last night I fell asleep without feeling overwhelmed and panicked. It's silly I know" I looked at him, half expecting to see him run away by my honesty.

"I understand that more than you know" his eyes looked sad but his face gave nothing away. "Are you feeling up for a small hike today?"

"Sure, what do you have planned?," I asked while trying to sound upbeat. What I wanted to do is lay in bed, for the whole day, and get to know him better.

"I have some traps set up around the place, we can go check to see if we caught dinner" he smiled and propped his head up. "But first breakfast"

Before I could respond he was up and at em. I tried not to stare but enjoyed the view as he walked into the kitchen in nothing but his boxers.

"Can I help?" I asked out of curtesy buy not really wanting to get out of bed.

"Nah, I got it. So I was wondering..." he turned away and started whipping some eggs, "you said you were going to rent a cabin, write a book....just...you don't strike me as someone who would have no one
Waiting for them. You mentioned your mom but no one else"

He shrugged his shoulders and continued his breakfast prep.

"I'm recently divorced" I tried to sound nonchalant about the whole thing but was definitely caught off guard by his question. "Long story short, he cheated and is having a baby with his mistress. He's moved on"

"Have you?" He glanced back at me and held onto my gaze.

"Yes" I could feel my checks burning red. "How about you?"

"Well obviously single" he chuckled under his breath and began to fry the eggs.

"Ever been married?" I was curious and suddenly glad for the opening he gave me.

"Yes" the sad smile returned and and my curiosity peaked "she passed away"

His voice trailed off and I sat there in silence. It was not what I expected and I was at a loss for words.

"I'm sorry"

"Me too. It's ok," he shrugged his shoulders again. I could see this was uncomfortable and painful for him but hoped he would continue. "I haven't really talked about it much. Just with everything that has happened recently it's brought back a lot of stuff. You remind me of her."

"Oh" how do you respond to that? "Umm like how?"

"In a good way." He laughed uncomfortably, "just your mannerisms. I probably shouldn't have said anything"

"No. Of course you should have and can...." I walked up to him and placed my hand gently on his arm "I would love to know more about her, if you'd be willing to tell me"

"Maybe some other time" he smiled politely and pulled away. "Breakfast is done, I'm going to quickly shower. Enjoy"

He plated the food and placed it down at the table before disappearing out the door.

Feeling confused by the way that situation played out, I decided to eat and get myself ready for the day. I wasn't going to push it and would let him open up at his own pace. One thing I was sure of, the more I got to know him, the more drawn to him I felt.