There's No Such Thing as Second Chances

That night

"Are you ready?" Porter looked at me with sympathy in his eyes.

"Huh?" I heard him but nothing registered. Helena suddenly showing up complicated everything. The fight we had caused me additional stress and I wasn't sure how much more I would be able to handle.

"Can you believe her?" Helena was glaring at Charlie as she walked out the door. "It's your night and she made it all about her"

"No I cannot" I scoffed. This night was important to me and I needed to sell myself. Instead of talking about my accomplishments, I spent the evening talking about my amazing wife.

How old was she when she started writing? What was her first book? What did I think of her writing? Did I have a favourite?

As the questions came in, I was getting more and more annoyed.

I tried changing the subject a few times but it always returned back to her.

"Come. Let's go outside" helena pulled my arm and lead me out to a secluded bench. "You're amazing and don't need this stress. Here"

She started rubbing my shoulders and gave me a quick hug from behind.

"Thanks Helena." I smiled back at her and placed my hand on top of hers, "I should probably go after her"

I sighed and tried to stand up.

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm going to help you out" she pecked me on the cheek and giggled.

For the rest of the night we walked around together and she would bring up all the accomplishments I've secured for the company.

By the time the night ended, I was on top of the world. No one was talking about Charlie anymore, instead everyone was singing my praises.

As I was about to leave, one of the partners gave me a pat on the back and pretty much told me my spot was secured.

I decided to find Helena and go out. Why should I find Charlie and grovel back?

She didn't do anything to help me, instead it was Helena who came to my aid.

I saw her standing by the bar talking to some guy, the same guy Charlie was with earlier, and I got annoyed.

I caught her eye and motioned for her to come over. She quickly ended her conversation and came my way. As she walked the guy glared at me with hatred.

"Fuck you Buddy" I thought to myself and waited for her to join me.

"Let's go celebrate. You, me and a bunch of shots. I think they're going to ask me to be a partner" I beamed at her and she jumped into my arms.

"I knew it. They would be idiots to go with someone else"

We hailed a cab and went to a bar that stayed open a lot later than any of the other ones in the area.

I handled my alcohol a lot better than her and found myself holding her up and helping her to her apartment.

When we got to the front door she held on to me tighter.

"Please don't go. I love you" her eyes burned into mine.

Everything inside me told me to leave, that this was a mistake. That I would wake up regretting my decision if I stayed.

"Please" she pushed her body onto mine and began kissing my neck. 

A groan escaped my lips which only encouraged her further. Before I could talk myself out of it, I pushed her against the door and kissed her as if my life depended on it.

That night Helena slept in my arms. We didn't have sex but spent the night in numerous intimate positions.

I went home and prayed that Charlie would be out. I didn't want to explain to her where I was the whole night and needed time to think.

I felt like a bag of shit and knew that if I saw her, I would lose it, cry and beg for forgiveness. I needed to compose myself.

I told myself it was a mistake that I wouldn't repeat.  If I knew how wrong I was, I would have never spent that first night together.

"Derrick? Are you ready to go?" Porter asked me again.

"Yeah. Let's go" I heard him this time and followed him onto the boat.

We stayed out for a few more hours before we were called back in due to another approaching storm.

The feeling on the dock was a somber one. People knew that it was done and over.

Their loved ones were most likely gone and, the only thing they could hope for, was to find their body to bury.

I clutched onto my heart and walked away from the crowds

When I was convinced I was alone I dropped to my knees and sobbed.

How do I go on knowing that I caused this?

How do I move on knowing that I would never see that beautiful face anymore.

I would trade anything to have one more day with her.

When I was cried out, I made my way back to the hotel, stopping by the liquor store on the way.

Tonight I was going to drink to forget and maybe try and find Charlie's mom to ask for forgiveness. 

My whole world changed and I wasn't sure about anything anymore.