There's No Such Thing as Second Chances

Divorce papers

I sat down at the kitchen table and looked around the quiet house. Everything seemed in place but everything felt so different now.

The candles that I lit last night, to celebrate our three year anniversary, were burnt all the way to the bottom. The wax spilled over and onto the furniture, most likely staining the wood, but I couldn't care less or be bothered.

The dinner I made with love still sat on the stove, cold and most likely spoiled by now, but I didn't care about that either. I would leave it behind so Derick's new girlfriend could clean it up for him. Ideally, she would get food poisoning while doing so and suffer horribly.

I sighed and picked up the pen, hovering just above the "sign me line". The divorce papers were dropped off last night just before midnight.  I was expecting Derrick to be home by ten pm, and when he didn't show by eleven, I started calling and texting him. He hated when I was "needy" but this was different. I needed to make sure he was ok.

I went back and forth and debated calling his best friend when I heard a knock at the front door. Thinking the worst and expecting the police, I held back my tears and willed my feet to take me to the entrance.

When I saw Jason, his childhood friend standing there looking at me with sadness in his eyes, I didn't know what to feel.  Relief washed over me but was quickly followed with unease.

"Hey Charlie, can I come in?" He asked me gently, clearly unsure if he should be here at all.

"Sure, is everything ok? Have you heard from Derick?" I opened the door wider and let him pass through.

"Yeah. I just left him" he gave me a smile as he crossed the kitchen to sit at the table. He motioned for me to join him and I complied with his request.

"Ok, where is he?" I didn't understand why Derick would be with Jason, and why Jason was here and not Derick.

"Look, Charlie, I don't know how to say any of this and I don't want to be the one doing this. I love Derick but I don't agree with this and I have grown to care a lot about you too," he was starting to ramble.

"Jason, what's going on. Please tell me" I couldn't swallow past the lump that had now appeared in my throat. My skin prickled and the room started to spin , whatever this was, it wasn't good.

"I'm not going to say what Derick wanted me to tell you, I'm just going to tell you the truth. He's been cheating on you for the past year with his coworker Helena. He decided that he wants to have a life with her and she's pregnant. He had these drafted up last week and hopes you won't make a fuss about it. He's leaving you the house and enough money to make sure you're comfortable for the rest of your life. I don't know what to say Charlie. I know he's making a mistake but he's convinced it's the right thing to do for him and for her." He looked down at his hands and remembered that he still held the divorce papers in them. He lowered his head and put them on the table, sliding them over towards me to look at.

I sat in disbelief. This couldn't be happening, how could he do this to me on this day. This must be some kind of a joke. I held in my breath and looked towards the door, wanting and willing for him to enter and yell "just kidding". He had an awful sense of humour so this must be that, just some sick joke.

"I'm sorry Charlie" he glanced at me once more, looking like he wanted to hug me but thought against it and left. I didn't even ask any questions, I couldn't. Right now I was frozen in place.

I sat there unable to move until my mind caught up to what my heart was feeling. I couldn't cry but wanted to so badly. If I could cry, this pain I was feeling would dissolve just a little.

I opened the envelope and started skimming through the words, reading and rereading them again, until they finally made sense. 

"Our marriage dissolved March first twenty-twenty three."

That fucking liar. Our marriage didn't end last year, heck, our marriage was still in tact last night.

But being a lawyer, he knew what he was doing. The state wouldn't grant him a divorce if we haven't been separated for over a year. He was lying and risking his job and integrity for his new love.

Well fine Derick. I'm not going to beg for you to stay or choose me. I'm not going to be that kind of a woman.

I will hold on to the respect that I have for myself and leave and not look back. I know if I left I would have no regrets. I also knew Derick and believed with all my heart that he would come to regret his decision. That thought gave me more than enough confidence to carry on with my new plan.

Signing the documents, I picked up my phone and pulled up his number.

C: papers are signed. You can have someone come and grab them today at any time. I will leave them in the mailbox. Please do not come here for any reason without plenty of warning. I know you probably want your stuff and that's fine. I will speak with Jason and come up with a time you can come and collect your things.  Goodbye Derick.

Feeling good and confidant about my choice I began to pack my things, pulling only what I needed the most. I didn't know where I was going to go just yet, but I knew I wouldn't be able to stay here another minute.