For My Deadly Sins

BURIED EMOTIONS

LUCIFER

"I messed up."

"Yes you did."
"I should've been more considerate. More thoughtful."

"You should have." Boudicca agreed without any hesitation.

"But we have rules in hell and there are reasons why..." I shook my head and sighed, "I messed up."

"Yes you did." she repeated.

I turned from the view of the bayou and leaned against the railing of the terrace, meeting Disa in the eyes, "You're supposed to be on my side."

"And I am. I am your subject and as such I am agreeing with all that you say. I am agreeing with you calling yourself an idiot." she grinned.

I narrowed my eyes on her, "I never called myself an idiot."

"Oh I'm sorry my 'dark liege'. It seems that I had misheard." she said mockingly. "About a billion years old and he still doesn't know how delicate death can be."

I glared at her, annoyed, "These things happen. People die, let depression consume them and yes of course it hurts, of course she wants to forget. But what she said is not the way out of this...It is not the way."

"Why not? Why can't it be? If it can help her. Seeing the ones she loves, seeing her empire again-"

"Will destroy her!" I took a deep breath, "Disa, you know it as well as I do...it will destroy her."

"Then let that be her choice. Why are you so concerned if she makes it or not? She's only one of the millions we have in hell...only one of the hundreds who die everyday. Why does she matter so much?" she asked. I didn't respond and merely turned away from her.

"That's it. Keeping running away from reality. Like you did with Ronal."

"Ronal has nothing to do with this." I growled.

"No? Please don't tell me that you don't see her everyday, everywhere. That she's not ALL you see when you look at the Empress." she says, her voice rising with each word.

"Stop it Boudicca." I gritted my teeth

"Then tell me why does Petrah matter so much?"

"Can I not care for a new arrival who is walking on the edge of sanity? Who looks halfway hollowed out by her own conscience?"

"Almost everyone who ends up here appears like that. Almost everyone is beyond saving after they die, natural or not. Only once have you tried it before and how did that turn out? How do you think this will turn out? You know better than anyone what can happen. You swore you wouldn't do this again."

"Its diff-" I paused as she strode towards the edge of the terrace and looked out to the sea. The green of her eyes turning into swirling seafoam as it absorbed the crystalline blue of the water. And then suddenly...

She banged her hands repeatedly against the railing in anger, "So why NOW? why now? Why do you keep trying to-"

I caught her wrists before they could start bleeding. A silent tear streaked down her face as her head hung is despair. "I-I...I don't-don't want you to h-hurt again." So many emotions were wrapped in that one sentence, so many that I couldn't dare to decipher.

So many emotions of my own that I kept buried inside. I held her hands in mine and stared at them. I couldn't bring myself to meet her eyes, to see what could be revealed in them. "Disa...it's going to happen."

"What?" I finally looked up as her eyes widened in surprise.

I braced myself as I said, "Yes...I didn't want to tell you but..."