I definitely don't love you...

Chapter 5: Filming time

The first day of filming was less than an hour away. Ninon had just arrived on set. An assistant showed him Ben's dressing room. She stood in front of the door which was ajar. She didn't dare go in right away, but when she poked her head through the opening, she saw Ben, meditating, with his back to the wall, his head upside down. She smiles. She dared a timid sound:

Ninon: Hey...

Ben opened his eyes, sat up, and wiped his face with a towel. He returned a quick hello, walking around the room at full speed. He was panicking. Ninon knew this feeling of terrible fear, which gnaws to the depths of the stomach, which paralyzes from body to head. She sat down on a chair and took three deep breaths to help her catch her breath. Ben felt his pace slow. He sat facing the dressing room mirror.

Ninon: How are you feeling?

Ben: It's the first day, I want to die! I'm freaking out! I want to curl up under the desk, throw up, cry... it's horrible...

Ninon: I understand... but you are going to start by filming an easy scene, it will be easier to ease into it gently. You are super prepared, everyone is super friendly, you will take the time it takes to shoot the scenes and you will have time to rehearse them... It will go very well... everyone will love your character... You bring him humanity, wounds... We will want to protect you. We'll want you to get through it... you already have it all in you...

Ben: I'm a fragile little creature... is that how people see me...? I am pitiful...

Ninon knew he wouldn't be able to hear everything, the panic was too present. she didn't take anything personally. She still spoke with a very soft voice.

Ninon: No... not at all... if that's what I said then, it's because I didn't use the right words. It's just that, "the" Ben, the one we see in public, he's the one who's happy, the one who's super dynamic, you always play the happy guy, who always has stories to tell for to make people laugh... you always want to make people believe that everything is fine, because you believe that that is what is expected of you... and perhaps, because that is how you found your place... but even when you laugh loudly or even when you are on stage, and you do everything to transmit all the energy in the world to satisfy the audience, sometimes just a fraction of a second you see... you see that there is a little crack that you can't hide... for a split second there is an expression on your face of infinite sadness, a deep veil of anguish that you have absolutely no control over... because I don't know if you are aware... and that's what you'll be able to let out... Everything you hide, that's buried, that you reveal by speaking loudly and masking it with laughter... that's what makes you unique, it It's this contrast, of violence and fears flooded under laughter, that's all that we're going to like to see and we're going to let ourselves be trapped... because it will be unexpected and moving...

The faces of Ben and Ninon had moved closer to each other, without either of them doing it on purpose... Ninon felt the blush on her cheeks and Ben no longer felt any panic in his stomach... Everything suddenly, the door opened with a bang. Ben and Ninon moved away from each other. Serena entered in the dressing room with her children who jumped on their father's neck. Ninon stood up abruptly. Serena came to kiss her husband. Ninon stepped aside, stepped back, she wanted to disappear. Serena finally notices Ninon.

Serena: Ah hello, I didn't see you! Are you the makeup artist?

Ninon: ...Okay...

They shake hands. Ben intervenes.

Ben: No! No... It's Ninon, she wrote the screenplay. You've already seen her on the open stage!

Serena: Sorry! Sorry, it's true now I remember.

Ninon: But a makeup artist would have been more...

Serena: You look young to be a screenwriter...

Ninon: Oh? That's genetic chance. I'm the same age as Ben