An Extraordinary Life

Chapter 21 - Another lovely child, Jayden

I asked him, "I'm going to get my tubes tied soon, do you want one more child?" We loved babies and I thought it was better for Taylor to have a sibling so as not to be lonely and selfish in the future like him.

At first he said, "No, I'm too old to have another child and I don't want to take responsibility after retirement." He changed his mind when I was planning to get my tubes tied.

We both hated condoms and I didn't what to take birth control pills for long periods of time for fear of getting cancer. I was happy to give him another child as he was happy too and treated me well during my pregnancy.

I got pregnant a few months later and was feeling normal but more horny than the first. We could have had plenty of good sex like the first time, but because he was abusing me all the time, we did not. I couldn't have orgasms with him anyway so I preferred to release myself before I fell asleep instead of doing it with him.

When I was a few months pregnant, he wanted to have an early retirement as he was not happy with his female boss and was tired from his high-pressure job. He was also thinking about immigrating to North America to keep our living standard with the money that he saved and would get from selling his properties. We both wanted a new environment and change as our hometown was getting too crowded and polluted. We went to visit his aunt once again with a chance for me to meet up with Mr. C and I had a few hours of fun. We visited The Grand Canyon, Death Valley, and Las Vegas. I love Vegas. We also visited my sister to get a good look at the country that we'd be immigrating to.

He preferred the west coast as more of his friends and relatives lived there but I insisted on moving to the east coast where my sister and one of my friends lived. I was very flexible and had no problem starting a new life anywhere in the world and enjoyed meeting new people and seeing new things, as long as I had some friends or family there. I didn't trust him enough to build a new life with him and our children where I would be all alone in a strange country, and I hated the humidity on the west coast. He finally agreed and said that he would process our application with a consultant when he retired.

I had another lovely baby, Jayden, delivered by my trusted OBGYN this time instead of him taking it away like the other six. After my second C-section, he also tied my tubes. The scarred tissue was so hard and itchy that I had to take steroid injections for months to soften it. My husband videotaped the whole process but didn't know it was his job to cut the umbilical cord when the doctor offered. He gave me some cheap flowers because I complained last time. A long while later I asked him to pay for an eight thousand dollars jewellery for my two births.

The post-partum depression was worse than the last. The lost feeling of not being able to have any more babies hit me hard unexpectedly. Taking care of the newborn with breast/bottle feeding was killing me as Jayden would awaken every two hours to be fed and have a diaper change. Then I had to pat the baby's back and so I really couldn't sleep at all. I didn't dare wake my husband in the next room. The other maid we hired to help with the newborn and spend half the day at the grandparents' couldn't help with the situation.

In those almost two months I had to control my scary thoughts with all my might not to harm Jayden and myself but I cried several times. Post-partum depression is real and scary. I had it with my three older children too but it got worse each time due to my sad marriage. I was already sad and gave in to my loneliness completely. He became more annoyed every day and was starting to show me with his words and looks.