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Your patience and trust have created something truly special. Get ready to dive into your custom reviews, crafted with care by your reviewer at Raspberry Reviews. Your journey in the Macaron Community is about to get even sweeter. Enjoy! REVIEWER: MilaForLife
Secrets Beneath Teenage Love: The Heart of Anastasia by SwordDasilva
Note: Please remember that reviews tend to be partially subjective sometimes. I hope you get the advice/suggestions you were looking for in this review.
Characters: (3/10)
The introduction of characters was confusing the whole 7 chapters. In the first chapter, you introduce too many characters all at once, and constantly switch their names. You refer to them as Banks, Portman, Dean, Adam, and so on. You need to specify to the reader their whole name when you first introduce them, then use either their first or last name during narration. Don't refer to them as Dean, then randomly switch to their last name, then back to Dean. Even if you've written a first book, and give their full names in the blurb, my point still stands. You've also introduced Blink and Mush during the flashback, but you never told us who they are.
I don't understand why the kids referred to the mother as Casey instead of Mrs.
Plot: (3/10)
You did nice with showing how Anastasia met Luke, and that she loves him but has to deal with her feelings for other boys. That part was pretty decent. However, I was still confused about the entire 7 chapters. I had trouble keeping up with who Anastasia is in love with, and with whom is she friends with. The amount of boys that she is either attracted to or is only friends with was also confusing. So she's in love with Luke, but needs to deal with her feelings for others? I don't really understand what's going on there.
Story Flow: (2/10)
I'm sorry, but the story flow was all over the place. You switch between past and present tense halfway through sentences and paragraphs. The abrupt switching of scenes from Luke to Anastasia disrupts the flow because they're not in the same room. The flashback to Anastasia's meeting with Luke was okay though, and you included it at a decent enough place.
Dialogue: (4/10)
I liked the banter that you had between the characters. It was decently natural, so that was good. However, I was confused at who is talking. For example, in the beginning of the story, you have a phone conversation between Anastasia and her friends. You failed to include dialogue tags or at least name the person who is saying the word. I'm also not sure why you italicize the dialogues instead of quotation marks, which further confused me because I wasn't sure if they were thinking or what's going on. I do know that some writers do use italicized dialogues, but it's very rare, so I'd very much suggest switching to quotation marks on a platform like Wattpad.
Grammar: (5/10)
The grammar was okay, aside from the past to present switches. There were misused/missing commas, and some sentences were too fast, improperly constructed, and could have been broken up into separate sentences.
Overall: I'd say you have a lot to work on, but I did like how you showed us their teenage struggles and love problems. I think you captured their problems and the typical teenage troubles pretty good! Some descriptions were actually written good, and I didn't catch any misspelled words, so good job on that!
~Mila.
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