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Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by frannie9748
Title and Blurb:
The title is too long and is kind of incomprehensible regarding the story. The blurb too is too straightforward and could be better.
Language skills:
I'll be honest. It was simple and easy to understand and that suffices. But I think you should put in more effort for character development and give time for characters to adjust. It feels like things are happening too abruptly. Like you're rushing to finish it off. And there's no emotion at all. It all feels like empty words. Describing more about what the characters are doing, and why they are doing well makes the whole thing better. I noticed that you wrote extremely short chapters and that's not appreciated. Speaking from the point of view of a reader, no one would like a chapter cut off out of nowhere when it's just starting.
Plot and settings:
Though the plot is kind of unique in its own way, I won't say that this is hooking enough. As I said earlier, more description of each character, setting, and background helps.
Character Development:
I don't know why but most of the time I was wondering what the characters are actually doing except bickering with each other. It doesn't help in engagement with the story.
Overall:
Well personally, I didn't enjoy it because of the excessive bickering of the characters for no reason. If I had to rate it out, it would be 5/10. Though the story has a potential with much improvisation, it still has a long way to go.
~ Serena.
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