ᴜɴᴅʏɪɴɢ ʟᴏᴠᴇ

~ { * 13 * } ~

   Hitoshi gritted his teeth irritably as his gaze fell to the gas meter. His grip tightened on the steering wheel, and he flinched when something gripped his shoulder.
  "It's alright, love," her voice was soft, and he relaxed with a shaky breath. "We'll find more."
  "We're nowhere near a gas station, Kit," he sighed, and she hummed.
  "I'm aware," she murmured as she released his shoulder to take a seat in the passenger seat. She kicked her feet up on the dashboard, and he watched her gaze soften when her eyes drifted to the photograph that was taped above the radio.
  "I miss him too, baby," he muttered, and she met his gaze with a softened smile.
  "He's never too far," she said fondly, and he chuckled under his breath.
  "What makes you say that?" He asked curiously, turning his eyes back to the road.
  "He'll always be here." He turned to watch her place a hand over her heart, and his gaze softened.
  "Yeah," he whispered thoughtfully. "He will." An unwilling snort left his lips, and she met his gaze curiously. "And he'll always be on the fucking walls too," he added, and she burst into laughter.
  "You're such an arse," she laughed, and his lips curled.
  Fuck, she hadn't said that to him since the mall.
  He met her gaze with a knowing grin. "Maybe a little," he replied smugly, and she giggled. Her smile fell after a moment, and he tilted his head. "Where's the smile, Kit?" He asked curiously, and she met his gaze with a lost "Huh?"
  He chuckled under his breath.
  "Why the long face?"
  "Oh," she murmured, shifting her weight. "I just remembered we were supposed to bury him," she added, and he nearly slammed his foot on the brake. The breath felt like it had been stolen from his lungs with her words, and Hitoshi almost choked.
  Shit...
  "We need to get more gas, Kit," he sighed, hanging his head. "Maybe another day, kay?"
  She hung her head with a frown. "That's fair," she said softly, and his chest tightened.
  Fuck, he couldn't help but think. He tightened his grip on the wheel with a shaky breath. He didn't think she'd remember that, she'd been an emotional mess when they'd lost Denks.
  As much as he agreed that their best friend deserved a proper burial, Hitoshi could never go back to that warehouse. He tightened his grip on the wheel when his hands started shaking. He couldn't look at that door without thinking about how his breath had been stolen from his lungs when he'd released it. He'd trapped his best friend inside that building because Denki had told him to. He'd been the one who sealed the blond's fate.
  The guilt and anger had eaten at him for weeks.
  "Hito?" Her concerned whisper pulled him from his thoughts, and he turned to meet her gaze. His vision was blurred and his brows furrowed in confusion, reaching to wipe away something wet when it slid down his cheek. "Pull over, love," she said softly, standing to gently place her hand on his shoulder.
  He bobbed his head, turning to pull the RV off the road. He met her gaze when she dipped her finger under his chin and cupped his cheek to wipe away the tears.
  "Take a break, my love," she whispered, leaning to press her lips to his forehead. His breath stuttered with her words. She'd only ever called Denks that. "I'll take over at the wheel for a bit."
  He nodded slowly. His hands were still shaking, and she took a step back to let him stand up. He collapsed in the passenger seat, and the vehicle jolted when she continued driving. A shaky breath left his lips, his hands wouldn't stop shaking no matter how much he clenched them, and his vision kept blurring with unwilling tears.
  Fuck, he couldn't help but think.
  "You haven't had the chance to grieve, have you?" Anna's voice was soft, and a choked breath left his lips when he met her gaze.
  "N-Not really," he murmured, and she sighed. "Kit, you needed me more."
  "You still need the time to grieve, Toshi," she argued. There wasn't any bite to her tone, and he held his head in his hands.
  "You needed me, Anna," he uttered. "I couldn't just grieve when you'd shut down on me."
  "You still need to grieve, Hitoshi," she countered softly, meeting his gaze ever so briefly. "Keeping this bottled up isn't healthy for you."
  "I know it isn't, Kitten," he muttered when a stuttered breath left his lips. "I..." he took a deep breath, wiping his damp cheeks. "I wanted to drink again." He whispered and caught himself on the dash with a yelp when the RV screeched to a halt.
  She turned to meet his gaze with wide eyes when she threw the vehicle into 'Park' before she killed the engine. "Hito," she uttered, and he shook his head, averting his gaze.
  "I didn't," he promised and heard the sigh that left her lips. "You needed me, Kit. I couldn't shut down on you."
  He looked up when she approached, and she crawled into his lap, gently threading her fingers through his hair. That was all it took for him to break down, and he clung to her. She took it all in stride, holding him close while she petted his hair.
  "It's alright," she whispered soothingly. "I'm right here, love."
  "'m sorry," he mumbled, and she shook her head, burying her face into the lavender strands.
  "Don't apologise, my love," she uttered.
   "Why not?" He murmured, pulling back to meet her gaze and she cupped his face, swiping away his tears with her thumbs. "I..." He choked. "I'm the one that closed the door."
  Her gaze softened and welled with tears all at once.
  "You know perfectly well he never would have asked that of you unless it was necessary," she sniffed.
  "I know," he whimpered, wiping his cheek with the pad of his palm. "But it still feels like I'm the one who killed him."
  "Hitoshi," she said softly, and he met her gaze when she ran her thumb across his cheek. "It wasn't your fault. I could see it in his eyes before the door closed. He knew he'd made the right decision."
  "What?" He choked.
  Her gaze softened. "I didn't see an ounce of fear in his eyes, love. All I saw was peace." She admitted, and his breath stuttered when she offered him a gentle smile. "He knew he'd made the right decision before you ever closed that door. You didn't kill him, Hitoshi. The walkers did."
  "I..." He took a deep breath to steady himself. "I wanted to drink when we lost him, Kit." He confessed, and she sighed, pressing their foreheads together. "Like really bad."
  "I can only imagine," she uttered. She reached into the collar of her t-shirt, and he focused on the pendant around her neck. "I'm proud of you, ya know," she added after a moment, and he met her gaze through the blur.
  "Why?"
  She smiled. "Because regardless of your urges, you fought it and won." She replied sweetly, crooking her head. "When we lost Denks, I'd completely shut down. You were there through every panic attack, every nightmare. Hell, you helped me when I decided to cut my hair. You even went so far as to fix it for me. I knew you were grieving just as much I was, and yet, you put your feelings aside to care for me." Her gaze softened, brushing his hair from his eyes. "That takes a tremendous amount of strength."
  A shaky breath left his lips. There was nothing but sheer adoration in those ocean-blue eyes, and he felt his chest tighten again.
  "I took care of you because I l..." Her eyes widened ever so slightly when he trailed off before they softened.
  "You don't need to say it right now, my love," she promised, leaning to rest their foreheads together. "However," she continued, meeting his gaze thoughtfully. "I do want you to know that your courage and strength are two of the things I love about you." She added sweetly, and he melted.
  He pulled her into his arms with a shaky breath. "I love you so much, Kit." He finally managed to spit out.
  Fuck, he'd been wanting to say that for so long now. A weight lifted from his shoulders when she buried herself into his embrace, and it was like his heart had somehow fixed itself when she whispered, "I love you too, Eye Bags," into his shoulder.
  He couldn't help the tearful laugh that left his lips. "My sister used to call me that," he murmured after a moment, and a snort of laughter left her lips. She pulled back to meet his gaze, crooking her head.
  "Your sister?" She repeated curiously, and he nodded. "I didn't know you had a sister."
  "She's not a blood sister," he explained, wiping his eyes with a chuckle. "She was adopted. She's a lot younger than me, but that's what she used to call me when we were younger."
  Her gaze softened. "What was her name?"
  She told me about her family, his mind told him fondly. It's only fair that she knows about mine.
  He reached into his pocket to pull out his wallet, and she tilted her head, watching as he pulled a weather-worn photograph from the protective film. He passed her the picture with a soft smile.
  She examined it curiously, and he watched her gaze soften. She met his gaze after a moment. "You have two dads?" She asked, her voice was gentle and sweet, and he smiled.
  "I was adopted too," he admitted, averting his gaze sheepishly. "They were my teachers when I was in high school. My...uh... My dad was kind of abusive, and when my mom died, Shota and Hizashi took me in. They raised me as their own and in my second year of high school, they adopted Eri. She was seven. She came from a really abusive family, like real twisted shit."
  Her eyes shone with mist. "Oh God," she breathed. "What did they do to this sweet little angel?"
  Hitoshi shook his head solemnly. "She didn't talk much at first, but the scars on her arms told us enough. They beat her, and I heard my Dads talking about human experimentation shit one night."
  A single tear slid down her cheek as her gaze fell back to the only remaining photograph of his family. "This poor baby," she whispered, meeting his gaze.
  He chuckled, wiping away the tear. "You love kids, don't you?"
  She averted her gaze with painted cheeks. "What gave you that impression?" She mumbled sheepishly.
  "The second day we spent together," he mused, crooking his head. "That family photograph in―"
  "―in the drawing room," she whispered, meeting his gaze in awe. "You remembered that?"
  He nodded through his laughter, it was soft and breathless. "Yeah," he said fondly. "How could I not?" He added, and she tilted her head. "I knew from that very moment that I could trust you with my life."
  Her eyes widened. "You―"
  "You're kind and gentle, Anna," he chuckled, brushing her hair from her eyes. "You've got this fire in your eyes that pulls people in, but no one's ever scared of being burnt. You draw people in with your smile and there's this sparkle in your eyes that's hard to miss. Everyone adores you because you're not afraid to show people who you are."
  He watched her emotions fly across her face so fast that he had a hard time deciphering all of them.
  "Hito, I need to―"
  "You drew me in the day we met," he admitted, and she met his gaze curiously. "That fire in your eyes had me from the moment we first locked eyes. You weren't scared to throw my words back in my face. Hell, you nearly ripped me a new one with nothing but a look when I asked why you were alone." Her gaze softened again. "You are one of the strongest women I've ever met, Anna." He confessed, and she stiffened when he held her face in his hands. "And I love you for it."
  "I love you too, Hitoshi," the words left her lips in nothing but a whisper, nuzzling into his hands.
  The weight on his shoulders lifted when she met his gaze. There wasn't a single hint of deception or malice in those beautiful eyes. He saw nothing but promise and vulnerability in those ocean pools.
  She was showing him her heart, and Hitoshi promised himself that he'd treat it right.