Winter Love || Bucky Barnes

14. Infinity war

TW: Suicidal thoughts

"Doll, I want you to stay here, okay?" I looked at him with a smile. "That's what I had planned anyway. I mean, my combat experience is limited." Bucky had taught me how to fight over the last few weeks, but it probably wasn't enough. He gratefully took my hand in his and held it tightly. "Good luck, James." He pressed a kiss to my forehead which made my heart beat faster. Then, he ran away. I sat down on a chair next to Wanda and looked at Shuri, who was walking around Vision and taking notes. I hoped so much that she was successful.

"Are you all right?" I asked Wanda with concern, who was staring absently at the floor. "Yeah. I just hope that..." She didn't have to finish the sentence. She and Vision loved each other and it would be terrible if one of them would have to die.

Suddenly the door swung open. Startled, I saw several creatures that came our way. They looked like humans, but a few of them also had horns. "Damn," Wanda muttered and stood up, which I immediately imitated. "Connie, you need to use your powers."

She started to throw red light towards the enemies. "It won't do much good. I might be able to hear enemies from far away, but that's all."

"No, you can do much more. I can feel it." She launched another wave of energy at the opponents. "Try it. I really need your help." I took a deep breath, stretched my hands forward and tried. In vain. "Again." I took a deep breath and did as she said. "It's not working," I shouted desperately as the opponents came closer and closer. "Connie, hey. You can do it!"

I tried to breath calmly. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I felt energy flowing through my whole body. I slowly raised my hand and tried to get all the energy into my fingers. Suddenly, a violet light came out of my hands and flew through the air. With a loud crash, it hit a creature. Wanda gave me a huge smile. "See. You can do it." I happily turned to Shuri and Vision. Shuri was also fighting an opponent, but Vision was no longer on the table. He had disappeared.

"Go," I called to Wanda. "I'll sort this out." She nodded gratefully to me and disappeared. After helping Shuri, I also left the lab, searching for Wanda and Vision.

I looked around frantically and discovered Natasha fighting an outrider by her own. I took a deep breath and shot fired a stream of energy at him a to support her. This time it was surprisingly easy and he finally went down. "Are you all right?" I asked her worriedly and was relieved when she nodded at me. "Thank you, Connie. That was impressive. Since when do you have these powers?" "Let's talk about it later," I suggested, because we were already facing new outriders.

Suddenly there was bang, which startled me. I heard Bucky calling my name. I immediately ran and finally discovered his gun lying on the floor. "James? James? JAMES?" I screamed desperately and turned in all directions. I knew it was happening now; more than half of the people would be wiped out. "Please Bucky, be alive," I whispered to myself and picked up the gun. I was so afraid to loose him. He was my everything, my soulmate. Without him, I was lost.
Then I saw Wanda, kneeling on the ground, her face to the ground. "Wanda? Are you okay?" She looked up with tears in her eyes. "Vision is dead, Connie. Thanos killed him." Her words hit me like lightning. How many more had to die? It wasn't fair. She continued speaking. "I will disappear, Connie. I can feel it. I don't have much time left." Quickly I knelt beside her and took her hand. I openend my mouth to say I'm sorry foe her loss, but in this moment she dissolved, leaving me alone. A tear started running down my face. I had no idea how many of my friends were be left, I had no idea if Bucky was left. The thought of loosing Bucky made me shiver and my hands started trembeling, so that the gun fell to the ground. I hid my face in my hands and started to sob. Sometimes, I couldn't control my feelings. It just came over me like a huge wave. "Bucky, please. Be alive." But nothing happened. "Oh no. No no no no."
Carefully I stood up while wiping away the tears, but it didn't matter. Immediately new tears followed, making my eyes hurt pretty bad. Slowly, I started walking away, even if I didn't know where I was going. Normally, I knew about every inch in Wakanda but in this moment, I had no idea where I was. It was like everything was covered in dusk. If Bucky were gone, what would be the meaning of life? I didn't know if I could live without Bucky. Maybe I should just... 
No. Suicide was not an option. There were many people who meant too much to me. I couldn't cause them that pain. But being unhappy my whole life wasn't good either. 
My grip on the weapon tightened. Damn, what should I do?  I couldn't endure that pain again. A part of me had been already broken when I thought Bucky was dead. It doesn't necessarily mean that Bucky was dead, he would just be... gone. Like Wanda. Thinking about her made me sad. She was a very good friend of mine. Why was everything so complicated?
Now, I was running. Running as fast as my feet were possible to do so, But it didn't help to get rid of my thoughts. I could end it. Just like that. To avoid all the pain. I knew not facing my problems was wrong, but I felt so alone and my emotions took over. The ground was getting uneven and I tripped over roots, but just managed to catch myself. I just ran on. But suddenly, there was a big stone and this time I couldn't hold on and fell to the ground. In the last moment, two strong hands held me up, preventing me from falling. I turned around and my mouth dropped open. I held on to Bucky as tightly as possible. "You're alive," I whispered and started sobbing again. I barely wad able to breath when I said "I thought I'd lost you. Why did you leave your gun? I thought I have to live without you. I can't believe you're here, James. I was so afraid and I really..."
"Shhhh, doll. I just lost my gun. I'm sorry." He gently stroked my hair. "I'm here, doll. I'm here. It's alright." My broken heart was slowly mending itself. Bucky was here, here with me. He had saved me from death once again, without even knowing it.