Winter Love || Bucky Barnes

15. Dispute

A few days had passed since the latter events. We had lost Wanda, Peter and a few others. I was very affected by that but Bucky supported me in this difficult days. We were living in the Stark Tower again, but Tony thought about buying a house. Of course he already had a huge villa, but he wanted to start over with a small house, somewhere remote.

It was dark and me and Bucky were lying in bed. The storm outside was getting stronger and I pressed myself closer to Bucky. I had been afraid of thunderstorms ever since I was little.
"Don't be afraid," he whispered in my ear. "Nothing will happen to you, little one."
I smiled. The word "little one" reminded me of my very first encounter with Bucky. He gently stroked his finger over my cheek. "Oh, doll. You make me crazy. If you only knew what I would like to do with you now."
I had to giggle. "You, Mr. Barnes, make me crazy too. You know what's funny? When Thanos snapped, I even thought about killing myself just before you found me. Because I thought I'd lost you. That's how crazy I am about you."
Suddenly he pulled his arm away from me. "You thought about suicide?"
"Shhhh, not so loud. I don't want the others to hear it."
He shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. "Doll that is... I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything. I mean, I didn't do it, right?"
"Damn, doll! I'm really starting to feel like I'm not good for you."
I didn't understand what he was trying to say. "Of course you are. You saved me, James."
But he wasn't convinced. "You see? That's the problem. You think you can only be happy when I'm with you. You are far too dependent on me. I don't have a good influence on you, sweetie."
My eyes became wet. "Don't say that. Please, don't say that. We are happy together, aren't we? And besides, I fall in love with you more and more every moment I see you."
"So much that you destroy yourself." I carefully put his hand in mine. "James, come on. It was just a short thought. I mean, I'm still here."
"Tell me something and don't lie! Would you still be alive if I was gone?"
I had to laugh. "Oh, come on. Are you serious?"
His face remained cold. "Yes, totally." I sighed and stood up. "That's a stupid question, James. Can we just skip this topic. I really..."
"Damn it, doll. Just tell me already." His agressive tone made me wince. He quickly came to me and ran his hand through my hair. "Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. I didn't want to scare you. I'm just worried about you, you know. You are the most important thing in my life and I don't want that something happens to you. So please, answer me! Would you already be dead?"
I had to face the truth and tell him, so I quietly replied "Yes." Immediately, he pulled me in a hug. "Oh my... Oh god. My sweet little girl." I tried to fight the tears but when he started caressing my back, I couldn't hold them away any longer. "I am so afraid to loose you, James." I couldn't imagine a life without him. He was my hero, my soulmate.
Slowly, he let go of me. "We can't go on like that, doll. It would be better if we take a break. Then we..."
"What?" My voice was full of despair. "No. No, James. We can't."
"Doll, we..."
"No! You can't just leave me alone now." A flash of lightning appeared and bathed the room in bright light.
Bucky looked sadly at the ground. "I have to. I see no other way out. I promised to protect you and that's the only way to do so. I won't be dead, but far enough away so you can get used to life without me."
I was shocked. He couldn't be serious.
"Stop it already."
"I've made my decision. Nothing can change it now."
My eyes narrowed as I stepped closer to him. "I won't leave you!"
"Damn it, doll!" He replied angrily. "You are so stubborn. You are destroying your whole life! You have to accept it!"
"If you leave now, I'll hurt myself."
I flinched as Bucky's fist landed on the table. In a loud voice he screamed "How dare you threaten me with that now? I'm doing this to protect you!"
I screamed back loudly and was almost startled by the sound of my own voice. "Protect me from what? Huh?"
"From yourself!" At that moment the storm suddenly stopped and left an unpleasant silence in the room.
Without another word, he grabbed his jacket and stormed out.