Hear me Roar - English version

CHAPTER 35 - "I'll pay it for the rest of my life."

               Like every time I'm at the doorstep of a stressful situation, I take a deep breath and repeat to myself in loop «You are Diana Stark, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms, daughter of Ned Stark, you are the She-Wolf of King's Landing».

               I enter the room and watch the most powerful man in all of Westeros bow before me.

"Majesty."

"Lord Tywin. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"I've heard a lot about you."

"That's only a quarter of what they say about you. The Lion of Casterly Rock."

"Will you spend the next few minutes praising me or will we talk about what brings you here?"

"Well, enough of the platitudes."

               I sit in front of him, in the very chair where Tyrion got burned.

"I'm pregnant."

               Looks like Tywin's more than busy so we might as well get straight to the point.

"I think" I clarify before he can answer. "I have not bled for two months now but it is possible that I lost the child during the Battle of the Blackwater."

"This is a perfect example of why women do not take part in the fighting" he says in a tone of reproach.

"If I Had intervened, you would be as dead today as Stannis."

"Nobody knows if Stannis is dead, you weren't able to finish the job."

               I stick my nails in the arm of the chair without letting go of the Lannister's eyes. How dare he speak to me like that?

"The Maester didn't confirm my miscarriage and I can't either, I fainted when Stannis stabbed me with his sword."

"If you are not pregnant, there is nothing I can do for you."

"I have two requests."

"Why would I answer them?"

"Because if you don't, your lineage will stop with Joffrey. You didn't do all that hard work to make the last member of the Lannister family the reincarnation of the Mad King. Did you?"

"Well... I'm listening."

"If I am pregnant, I will raise this child with all the love of a mother and cherish it for the rest of my life. In that case, you will free Sansa, find her a good husband, and send her away from this damned castle."

              That seems fair to me. When Tywin has an heir, Sansa will no longer be of use to him because the North will be assured.

"That sounds right to me" Tywin says, echoing my thinking.

"If I'm not expecting a child, I want you to break up my marriage to Joffrey."

"You have been united by the Great Septon, the people will not accept it. We risk a rebellion we cannot afford."

"Margaery Tyrell will make a perfect queen. Beautiful, easily controllable and loved by the people."

"The people like you too."

"The people love me" I correct him. "Because I gave the people what they wanted. I feel I can have something I want, for once. In exchange. So, if I lost that child, you'll find a way to break our marriage."

               Tywin takes a long time to think but we both know that my request is reasonable. An alliance with the Tyrells would be beneficial for the Crown, which is struggling to finish the summer will not survive the winter. Besides, I know about the violence I've been through.

"If I release you from your obligations, what will you do? Will you join your brother in the North?"

"I honestly don't know what to expect, but I know westerosis still need me so I'll never be far away."

♐︎

               The Lannister and I spend the last few minutes of our conversation discussing poverty in the capital as well as how families who are affected by the loss of a member following the Battle of the Blackwater will be helped.

               Once I was sure that all the subjects that were close to my heart had been addressed, I withdrew and headed, driven by sudden courage, towards Tyrion's room. I've been avoiding him for too long, we need to talk once and for all.

               I knock on the door and hear: «who is there» on the other side. He opens me immediately after I identify myself and I enter without further delay.

"I'm glad to see you" Tyrion admits as I sit on his bed.

"So, do I. I miss you a lot, but I had to rest."

               None of us believe this lie, I'm not fooled. Except that Tyrion is a gentleman so he won't say anything.

"I haven't seen you since..."

               I point to his scar by making a small trace on my own face.

"How do you like it?" he asks.

"It makes you look rebellious, which you desperately need."

"I'm a rebel!" he answers, indignant.

               But our smiles fade quickly because we know that half of what Tywin said is true. Tyrion brought back Shae, a prostitute her father had forbidden him to host, into the castle. The other half, the one on «the vile and malicious midget» (or something like that, I do my best to erase this discussion from my mind), is only a reflection of the thoughts of Tywin, his own father.

"You heard everything, didn't you?"

"I got to the point where you were asking for Casterly Rock, but I guess the beginning wasn't much happier."

"Let's say the discussion has only deteriorated."

               The dwarf sits next to me.

"You have done much for this city and all its people. We owe you our life."

"Not him, he doesn't owe me anything. He'll spend the rest of his life making sure of it. And I, the... The monster who murdered his wife, I'll pay it for the rest of my life."

               I put my hand on his cheek, hoping by this gesture to bring him a little comfort.