now or never

11

Weeks had already passed and I had won all my challenges. Sloane and I became friends, but I didn't tell her I knew Liam. We told each other stories from our childhood and laughed a lot. After Sloane told me that Violet was to blame for Liam's death, I didn't know how to deal with it.

So I avoided Violet. I also avoided Bodhi. Unfortunately, when sparring with the fourth wing, I couldn't get out of the way and I was easily distracted (Cam claimed that I had told the thing about Bodhi).

"You got distracted again," Cam claimed, sitting on the bench next to me. I rolled my eyes. "I wasn't distracted. In my head, maybe, but I still fucked you up." I replied. I scanned the hall, stopping at Imogen, Violet and Sloane. They seemed to be arguing again but what I heard shocked not only me but everyone present here. 

"I'll give you a letter from Liam for every month." Violet said to Sloane. I jumped up. "What's this fucking Sorrengail?!" I asked her pissed off. She looked at me in shock."You have no right to withhold the letters from her! Imagine that with Brennan!" I became louder.

 Nobody was talking or training anymore, some had even left the hall. Now Violet got angry too. "I'm just doing this so she can survive!" she almost screamed. "That's nonsense! You should have given her the letters in the first place!" Small lightning bolts appeared around Violet's fingers. Sloane grabbed my arm. "Leave it Elena. You don't have to pick my battles."

I spun around to face her. "Do you care that much?" I asked her. "No! Of course not, but what do you want to do?" I swallowed. I would do a lot of things but then I would get into real problems.

It just bothered me that Violet didn't seem to have any respect for family. If they had been letters from Brennan she would have been sitting on the floor and crying.

Cam and Sawyer were also standing close to me now. "What's wrong with you?" my brother asked me. I wanted to tell him that Halden had given me a letter. I wanted to tell him so many things.But I didn't know what was really wrong with me. My scars hurt, it felt like my father knew that I was doing something I shouldn't.

"Imogen, Sloane and Violet, you should go." Sawyer said. The three girls gave me one more look before they left the hall. When the door was closed, Sawyer grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me to face him.

"What the hell is going on with you right now?" he seemed angry but also desperate. "You've been ignoring Violet and me for weeks. Why?" I looked away. "Leave her to Sawyer, she'll have her reasons." my brother Sawyer snapped. I'd caused a fight, again.

"Everybody out!" Suddenly another voice called out. Bodhi. He was leaning against a wall, his arms crossed over his chest, his gaze fixed on me. At his suddenly loud voice, Cam and Sawyer jumped and nodded. I was about to walk through the door when Bodhi grabbed my wrist and pulled me back into the hall.

"Let me go!" I ordered him. He looked at me unimpressed and pulled me to the mat. I tried to pull away but his grip only tightened. "I mean no harm, devil." That nickname again.He turned to me so suddenly that I ran into him. I quickly stepped away from him.

 "I don't know what your fucking problem is right now, but don't take it out on the others." I was about to protest that what I had said to Violet was the truth, but Bodhi continued. "I know myself that Violet should have given the letters to Sloane a long time ago, but Sloane didn't make it easy for her. Liam asked Violet to look after his little sister and if that's the way, then so be it." I looked at him in disbelief.

"Do you have any idea what it's like when a sibling of yours dies and you think you have nothing left of them and then someone tells you they have letters but you have to do something to get something that's yours! ?" I yelled at him and pulled away. He shook his head and wanted to say something but I didn't let him.

"I know what it's like! My brother died here in the quadrant and the only thing I have left of him are the scars I got from him. I hated my brother but I still think it's absolutely shitty not having anything from him!"

Alic had really been an ass to me but he was still my brother. I knew that no matter what, I could go to him and he would do something for me. Although I was relieved when I heard he was joining the Equestrian Quadrant, I was still worried.

Bodhi took a few steps away from me. "I don't have any siblings, that's true, but I had to watch as my parents, my entire family, were executed in front of my eyes. I don't have anything left of them either. Just a relic to remind me that my parents were on the should have fought on the wrong side."

I didn't look him in the eyes because he was right. It was his entire family and only because mine saw him as a traitor to keep the secrets and lies. I was to blame for the death of his family. On the death of Liam. And with that I ran out of the hall.

 My fault, it was my fault.