Some Things Just Can't Be Forgotten

Part 12 (Trigger Warning)

After Becca ran out of the bathroom, Dean slowly started to follow her, not sure whether he should or not. But Crowley had a bone to pick with him.
"So why did this happen? What the hell did you do to her?" Dean turned and looked at Crowley.
"Its none of your damn business, I have no idea why your even here" Dean stood tall, trying not to let Crowley see any weakness.
"Im here because I heard you failed to protect one of the very few people you care about" Dean scoffed. "And you happen to be human now too, I wonder how that happened"
"You don't get to know anything" Dean turned around to go out the door but Crowley grabbed his arm.
"What was it huh? You lured her into a dangerous situation?" Dean stayed with his back turned to him.
"She found you sleeping with someone else? Cause you know the excuse 'I was a demon' doesn't mean anything. Demon you IS you Dean. You knew exactly what you were doing" Dean swung around and shoved Crowley off him.
"NO I DIDN'T, IT WASN'T ME!"
"Oooo touchy" Crowley fixed his suit.
"Must've been something bad. Did you get into an ugly fight with her?" He creeped towards a fuming Dean. Dean couldn't think about this right now. And Crowley had no business here.
"What did you do!" Crowley yelled.
"It wasn't me! I didn't do it! I would NEVER!"
"But you obviously did! SO WHAT DID YOU DO!" Dean faced away and covered his mouth, making sure not to spill.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MAKE REBECCA TAKE A BLADE TO HER SKIN AND SLICE IT OPEN!" Dean launched back around to yell in Crowleys face.
"I FUCKING RAPED HER! OK THATS WHAT I DID. I KIDNAPPED HER AND I BEAT HER AND I CUT UP HER BODY. THEN AFTER I TORTURED EVERYWHERE I COULD ON THE OUTSIDE..."
"Dean-" Crowley tried to interrupt.
"I SPREAD HER LEGS AND SLAMMED INTO HER WITH NO REMORSE! I MADE HER GAG UNTIL SHE THREW UP AND CHOKE UNTIL SHE PASSED OUT! ALL WHILE I WAS ENJOYING MYSELF! I LOVED IT! I HAD NO WORRY HOW BAD I WAS MAKING HER FEEL. I THRIVED OFF HER PAIN AND DISCOMFORT AND HER CRIES FOR HELP, IT JUST MADE ME FUCK HER HARDER. UNTIL SHE WAS UNCONSCIOUS, BRUISED AND BLEEDING" Dean finally let out a breath he'd held that whole time. But he refused to let out the tears in his eyes. Instead he replaced the sadness on his face with rage. Crowley stood looking right behind him, not saying anything. Dean glanced back into the mirror, seeing Beccas reflection peeking from the door. He looked over and made eye contact with Rebecca's tear filled ones. Becca quickly retreated out the door and took off down the hall again. This time Dean rushed after her.

"Rebecca! Please wait. Becca!" Bec rounded the corner and tripped, she dropped to the floor. Dean also tripped and fell right onto her. Becs legs started to bleed again and she attempted to get up and away from Dean but she only managed to wiggle to the wall opposite him. Dean got up and crawled, trying to get closer to Becca to settle her, forgetting in the moment it was him that was scaring her.
"I'm sorry Becca, your bleeding again. Here" Dean reached her and took his flannel off. He grabbed Rebecca's knee to hold her leg still and pressed his shirt onto her thigh. He didn't realise Becca was trying to sink further into the wall to get away from him. Or that she was crying, his first instinct was just to help her.
Once the flannel was secured, Dean looked at Rebecca to see her head facing up leaning back against the wall. She had tears pouring down her face and she was shaking.
"Shit, Becca I'm so sorry" Dean realised him helping, made things a lot worse. He reached up to caress her cheek, but stopped about an inch off. This wouldn't actually help, he thought. At that moment Rebecca looked at him, still crying, and put her head in his hand. She was dying to feel the comfort of her boyfriend. She wanted nothing other then to be normal again. Dean was surprised at the contact but didn't pull away. He'd do anything she needed.
"I'm so sorry for all of this" Rebecca was sobbing with tears streaming down her cheek, into his hand.
"This must be awful for you, I'm sorry. I didn't want this to happen. Now you have to go through all this just because I was selfish. I just wanted things to be normal and now you have to see what the demon did every time you look at me" Dean still didn't understand what was happening, she still blamed herself? How? He did this not her. Bec lifted her head.
"This isn't your fault, or your problem so I'll go clean up and I'll leave. You and Sam should spend time together. I'm glad your back and I'm sorry for how I did it. You don't deserve to be with someone like me" Her voice got quieter as she spoke. She attempted to stand up but Dean gently placed his hands on her shoulders and kept her still.
"Rebecca... this isn't your fault. Okay, I don't care about me, I care about you. I'm so so sorry for what I did"
"But-"
"I know, it wasn't me. Look it's such a shit situation, I am glad I'm back to me and I'm sorry for how it happened too but this didn't happen because of you. It happened because of demon me" Becca looked in her lap, trying to keep quiet and let Dean talk.
"And I, I do see what happened when I look at you. I'm sure you do too when you look at me. And it kills me to have you scared of me but it's for fair reason. I really hurt you and the last thing in the world I wanted to do was hurt you, but also I'm back because of you. I appreciate that, I do I just can't stand that this is what had to happened. And it's killing me even more that you think it's your fault. It's not ok, how can I convince you of that?" Rebecca studied his face.
"I don't mean to be scared of you, I'm trying so hard not to be. I'm sorry I really am-"
"No Becs, *sigh* I know you can't help it, don't try to hide your feelings, you have every right to be scared" Dean interrupted.
"Yeah but I don't want to be, you're Dean. I know you would never hurt me and it wasn't you but I can't seem to... move on. You don't deserve this" Bec whispered the last sentence.
"Your right, I don't deserve someone who is willing to risk their life and wellbeing for me, to save me"
"No you don't deserve someone this weak! I should be fine! I knew this could happen, from the first time we found you. You warned me but I still pushed. And I'm glad I did because your human again but I thought I prepared for this and yet I still can't seem to get over it and help you" Dean sighed and took his hands off her.
"Ok Rebecca. What can I do to explain that this is not your fault, you did help me, you saved me. And it's ok to be scared and cautious and worried. I'm scared of myself. You are not weak"
"Ugghhh I don't know, I can't help it. I can't control my mind or body. I just want to cuddle up with you and feel safe but I can't because of my stupid brain" Bec was balling and sobbing. She felt so uncomfortable within herself. But this was progress, she was talking to Dean.
"Ok you know what? How about we go back to the bathroom and Crowley can stitch you up. Then we can go lay down and watch a movie, we don't have to be close but maybe we can make progress together. We're both going to have a long recovery" Dean decides to take the lead, what he would do if it was someone else who did this to her. He will feel better when Rebecca does, so for now he will put all his feelings aside until she is good. No matter how much it makes him upset or guilty, no matter how worried it makes him.
Becca takes a deep shaky breath.
"Ok" and the both go back to the bathroom.