A Place in This World - Taylor Swift x Fem OC

Chapter 11

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"Arina? Are you listening?"

Her head snaps up from the polaroid picture in her hand, eyes widening. Doctor Know It All is sitting in the arm chair across from her couch, tapping his pen against the arm of the couch as he looks at her expectantly.

She has to admit she was not listening, instead focused on the polaroid Taylor brought her yesterday with the cassette tape of the song, "I Will Always Love You". It's a copy of the ones she burned when they broke up, ones Taylor clearly never did the same with. They were taken at the mall photo booth during one of their first dates that Taylor at the time hid as just friends hanging out, and Arina can still remember the smile that graced her face when the other girl made sure the curtain was hiding them and then kissed her right as the camera clicked.

That happiness is one Arina still reaches out for whenever she's sad.

Maybe that's why it hurts so much to be sitting here, slowly fading in this fucking looney bin, looking at photos of a time when she felt pure joy.

"I was asking you about Donna." Doctor Know It All reminds her, smiling gently.

"What's there to say about her?" She questions coldly, biting her nails as he looks at her with curious eyes. He's waiting for her to continue, so she sighs, shaking her head and folding her hands in her lap. "I haven't spoken to her in years. I tried to have a relationship with her when I was kid, but...I couldn't do it."

He nods, writing something down. "And is there a reason for that or did you just not bond well?"

Arina shrugs, but she knows the answer. Always has.

How could she be friends with the woman that gave birth to her just to lock her in the dark with tape over her mouth when her dates came over. As she always said, "men don't like a woman with kids."

He seems to notice her hesitance, so he sighs, folding his hands over his chart. "Do you ever wish you knew her better? Some adopted children wish to know their biological parents, some don't. It's all about preference." She immediately shakes her head no. She doesn't wish to know the spawn of satan on a personal level.

"She never took responsibility for what she did. I couldn't be around her if she couldn't even admit what she did was wrong. I....I can't even sleep without a fucking nightlight and I'm sixteen years old. She did that to me." Arina says, tapping her fingers against her calf as she reminds herself to breathe. His job is to listen to her. She's not burdening him.

"I see. And...what happens when you get left in the dark? Is it a trauma response or do you just not like it?"

She thinks about it for a minute. The last time she stayed over at Taylor's house and the girl turned off the lights before going to sleep, she woke up to find Arina under the bed, knees tucked to her chest and eyes squeezed shut while she mumbled to herself.

Maybe it's a trauma response.

"Donna...she used to...she put me in the dark. I was a little kid. I was two. Have you ever heard of a kid that's more afraid of small spaces than monsters? I could barely step foot into a bathroom stall without crying. She ruined me. Why would I want to know her?"

The doctor nods, writing something down and Arina regrets ever saying anything.

"So...what I'm taking from this is that your mother-"

"She's not my mom. She's just Donna."

He's silent for a second before he nods, smiling softly at her as if approaching a wild animal. He always looks at her like that, like if he doesn't smile or if he says the wrong thing, she'll break.