Mine only

Chapter 9 - Lost Love

Alyssa's POV

*A COUPLE MONTHS LATER*

Enzo has sent me a letter every couple of days ever since he arrived. And I've read them. Over and over again. It gave me the comfort of knowing he is okay. And I've been writing back to him. Telling him how much I miss him. Sometimes he'd send me drawing too. Or a tiny souvenir that was just a scrap piece of metal on a necklace. I later realised it was his old tag. Containing his name, his age, his date of birth, his service. And ever since then, I've not stopped carrying it around with me. Lizzy and I met up a couple of times for coffee, and we would read his letters together. And write for him too. It turns out she has a crush on one of the soldiers. His name was Alex. She was head over heels, and we talked a lot about everyone.

But at the end of the day, when everyone went home, the streets were cold and dark, and I found myself alone. Thinking of him. My thought would always go back to Enzo. Like when I turn around in my bed and find the empty space where he used to lay. Or when I accidently make breakfast for two, and him a coffee. Or when I find his stuff laying around somewhere. Everything reminded me of him. I've gone crazy. I barely leave the house, and the only person who comes to visit is Lizzy. He's been gone for 6 months. I can not take it longer.

A couple of weeks ago, both Alex and Enzo stopped writing back.

I don't know what happened.

Is he... dead?

No. I'm sure he's fine

What if he's gotten sick?

Or injured really badly.

What if he lost all of his arms and can't, right?

Don't be stupid.

Weeks, months go by, and there is no sign of him. Of both of them. Lizzy is trying to look into it, but she's only shown the possible date where they come back. Which is in 8 months. That is crazy. What am I going to do?

I remember a couple of years ago, I was more worried by my stalker than anyone. Now I'm ready to go to war just to see him again. It's been 1 year and 5 months. I barely remember how he sounded. Or what his face looks like. If I didn't have the pictures he sent from ages ago. I'm sure i wouldn't recognise him anymore. I've learnt to accept that I need to move forward and get on with my life. I'll wait for him but not in my house, trapped and depressed. I tried to smile a little bit more, though Lizzy and others could tell it was fake. I tried to leave the house more. Get coffee with Lizzy. Go shopping with her. Get food with her. Go to the base with her to find out anything we could. Nothing.

Nothing. After a couple of months, when the two years mark hit, I decided I had to move on. Even Alex managed to find us again, and he claimed he hadn't heard of Enzo in ages. Not a lot of people made it back, but I was fully convinced that Enzo was better than them. If anyone, he would be the one to return safely. And I missed. Oh, I missed him so much. My heart ached. I cried almost every night. No, actually, I did cry every night.

One day, I decided to go shopping and pull myself together, as I've been told. I was looking at dresses, and my coffee was in my hand when I froze in place.

Goosebumps.

This is the first time I've had them ever since I got with Enzo. I realised how stupid I've been so far, only thinking about enzo's safety and not about mine. Enzo always promised to keep my stalker far from me. But there was no Enzo anymore... So what now? I felt my heartbeat race faster than I ever have, and panic filled my face. Shit. I needed to get out of here. I needed to be somewhere crowded so I they wouldn't have a chance to attack me. I entered a crowded restaurant and sat on a bar stool, holding my purse close to me.

A sudden hand on my shoulder startled me.
"Excuse me, miss? Are you okay?" A tall blonde man was holding my shoulder, his eyes filled with worry. I tried to relax, but there was something about him that scared me.
"I'm fine. I'm just stressed." I answered him, my burning red. He noticed me being so paranoid that he must think I'm a weirdo.

"I'm Aaron. May I sit?"
"I'm Alyssa. Sure."
It was the most basic and boring conversation I've ever had. But I didn't mind. We joked and laughed for a while, not caring about anyone else around us. Aaron was a nice guy. And he helped me forget about Enzo, though I still missed him. He took me on a couple of dates, and we clicked.

"So thanks for letting me stay the night." He walks into my house, smiling at me.
"Yeah, sure, just make yourself at home."
We sat on my couch drinking wine for a couple of hours, talking about thinngs were starting to get heated.
"You're so sexy you know that? What does a guy like me have to do to get in your panties?" We both chuckled, but he waited for my answer.
"I don't know, Enzo -" I froze, and Aaron looked at me confused.
"Who's Enzo?" I looked around quickly because of how awkward I felt before speaking.
"He's my ex. I'm sorry, I'm just trying to get over him, and it's not working and I like you a lot, and I keep messing up."

Aaron chuckled and pulled me closer to him.
"Don't worry, I've been there before. I'll help you. We'll get you through it. Alright? Don't worry." He smiled and kissed me. It was so sudden, but my body reacted naturally to it. I slept with him. I didn't want to know the details. It didn't feel like it did with Enzo. I didn't feel that relaxed and calming feeling. I felt guilty and regretful. I sat on the bed next to him, staring at the wall, trying not to make it obvious how horrible that was. But I knew that I had to open up or I'd never get over Enzo. And Aaron was perfect for that. He was sweet and caring and good in bed, don't get me wrong. But not Enzo type of good in bed. I just needed to try...