Blood Moon

Push & Panic

WARNING!

DESCRIPTION OF PANIC ATTACK IN THIS CHAPTER SO WATCH OUT!

After their first kiss, Severus slowly became more comfortable with the physical affection and even becoming quite fond of it.

So, at that point it wasn't unusual to find the couple snogging on Cameron's couch with a movie or the stereo playing in the background.

What wasn't usual was the older man momentarily forgetting himself and placing a hand on Severus' thigh.

At first the Fae had tensed, body reacting in an instinctive flinch at the touch and Cameron paused immediately, but didn't move away, waiting for Severus to decide the next step.

Usually, the older man was careful not to touch anywhere but the ravenett's face and head, conscious of Severus' avoidance to touch and respecting it.

It took Severus a moment to gather himself after his original reaction and forced himself to relax.

This was Cameron, he reminded himself.

The Fae knew if he pulled away, the older man would let him, but the ravenett wanted this.

He wanted Cameron to be able to touch him, wanted the man to reach for him and not worry about making the younger man flinch.

It frustrated Severus that after all this time he was still allowing his past effect him and he did something he would quickly regret.

He pushed himself.

Hesitantly, the younger man re-engaged the kiss, his heart racing.

Cameron, allowed him control, giving up his usually dominant roll in order for the younger man to experiment safely with the new experience.

Despite his boyfriend's actions, or lack there of, Severus couldn't draw his attention away from the hand on his thigh.

It hadn't moved, but the heat of it was almost burning his skin through his trousers and the feel of it started to build a pit in the bottom of his stomach.

Severus didn't notice as his breathing picked up and his body began shaking, but Cameron did.

Pulling away, the man acted quickly and gently maneuvered the younger man until he was sitting on the edge of the couch with his head between his knees.

"Hey shh. It's okay. Just breath. Take a deep breath for me. Sev? Sev I need you to breath for me like this. In, hold. Out, hold. In, hold. Out, hold. Sev, breath." Cameron ordered softly, voice even and soothing.

He knelt in front of Severus as the younger man gasped, not touching him, but still somehow making his presence felt.

The Fae could barely hear his boyfriend, his ears were ringing and his chest had seized into crushing vice, his heart racing frantically in its cage.

Severus didn't know what was happening and the uncertainty made whatever was happening worse, his throat felt tight, only allowing wheezing pants to fall from his lips as it choked him.

He was unable speak, hear, or move, his body burned and his vision was failing.

He couldn't breath.

He couldn't think.

He was dying.

Suddenly, in the middle of it all there was a sharp feeling of cold on his wrist.

The unexpected sensation jolted Severus and he gasped, the shock of it seemed to open his chest, causing his lungs to finally expanding fully and his throat opened to allow precious oxygen through.

The cold slid from his wrist to his palm and the Fae clutched at it while he gasped, focusing on the stinging chill that was drawing him from the dark terror he had been immersed in.

Slowly, Severus' vision cleared and his ears stopped ringing, allowing him to hear his own calming breaths and Cameron's gentle voice.

"That's it Babe. You're fine. Just keep breathing. There you are. Keep focusing on the ice." He said softly, from his crouched position in front of the younger man.

Slowly, Severus got his breath back, his mind clearing of the panicked fog that had consumed it, leaving him shaking and exhausted.

The Fae slumped forward, Cameron catching him by the shoulders and pushing him to the side so he was laid out on the couch.

Severus' eyes drooped as he watched the older man, to tired to muster more then a mumbled apology.

"Sorry. Don't know what happened."

The Fae knew he would be embarrassed about the situation later, but right then it was hard to work up the energy to care.

His body burned and his limbs felt like lead.

Cameron quickly looked up at his apology from where he was lifting the younger man's feet onto the couch.

Shaking his head with a sigh, the older man crawled over and sat next to Severus' head, back against the coffee table, knees bent.

"You had a panic attack. You pushed yourself to far Sev." He said quietly, a frown pulling his usually smiling lips.

Blinking slowly, Severus couldn't meet the man's eyes.

"Sorry." He whispered again.

Cameron nodded, but didn't look any happier.

"I won't say it's fine because it's really not. Part of this was my fault for getting carried away in the first place. I don't know why you fear touch and I'm not going to make an ass out of myself by guessing and assuming, but I know it isn't unfounded. I don't mind when you flinch, but what I do mind is you hurting yourself by forcing yourself past what you're comfortable with. I know you trust me not to hurt you, but I need to trust you not to hurt yourself. Alright?" The man said firmly, catching Severus' gaze and holding it steadily.

Swallowing thickly, the Fae nodded, suitability chastised and with that unidentified warmth growing a little bigger in his chest.

"Alright." He said, allowing his eyes to close and his body to fully relax into the cushions beneath him.

He really was tired.

He heard Cameron get up and leave, a few moments later a blanket was laid over him.

"Sleep. We'll talk more when you wake up." The blond encouraged before moving away again.

Severus didn't fall asleep immediately, but instead listened to his boyfriend as he moved around the room, obviously tidying up.

Soon the man settled, setting himself up on the coffee table and leaning against the couch, close enough for ravenett to feel the other's body heat.

After awhile Severus gave into his exhaustion to the sounds of pages turning and the scratch of pencil on paper.

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1060 edited

1017 unedited

Moral of the story?

IF YOU AREN'T COMFORTABLE, DON'T PUSH YOURSELF!

Idea for the chapter below.

There were setbacks of course.

The Fae had a panic attack at one point when Cameron had touched his thigh and he pushed himself.