Pearls and Roses

11. Friendly Counsels

The ground beneath me began to sway, a bitter taste was building up in my throat; its contents threatening to pour out my mouth any minute. It would be better to stand. But, no, you don't want to draw attention to yourself.

I closed my eyes, counting the breaths I took in but after a while, I felt my sweat trickle down my face and I lost my composure, forgetting what number I was at. Dabbing at my face with my handkerchief, I willed my mind to take me to a quiet place or a lovely one, but there was nothing of memory so it opened the pages of books I treasured.

His voice shocked me out of my daydreams when he greeted Princess Kate; he said her name with a gentleness I would have never imagined he had.

The sound of her chuckle irked me. As if she was rubbing his devotion to her in our faces.

I wanted so badly to shrink or disappear for should he turn, he would be met with my presence and everyone will witness how sour his expression will change. I didn't need to look at him to know he was gleeful.

"They make such a beautiful couple. When do you think he'll propose to her?" Lady Shaw stated.

My heart sank, the pit in my stomach grew wider and deeper. Lady Annabelle feigned a light cough to hide her smile.

Should our courtship be made public, I would be loathed even more than I was now. At first, I was always able to prepare mentally and emotionally but, then came the second courtship, then third. Now, I wade through this never ending ordeal without a soul, an aim or expectation.

The very thing supposed to be the highlight of every woman's life became a stain on mine.

Maybe the man I was to marry was dead. Better yet, out of the country or we missed each other. Maybe, I was meant to be a spinster. That was okay too. Not everyone was blessed with having someone to share a lifelong connection with.

But if my end was to grow old in the Hooley manor, a swift death would be kinder. Twenty years on earth was enough to know I wanted nothing more to do with it and its inhabitants.

Maybe one day I won't fail to tighten the noose enough, or ingest the poisonous confection before I'm discovered.

"See how he is besotted with her. I must ask her to teach me how to seduce a man." Lady Heartleaf said and the younger women laughed in agreement.

"Nonsense, do you not have a husband? Ask your mother." Lady Gafel retorted sharply, "You are right though, he is besotted with her."

Ellen and her friends took Lady Gafel's retort lightly and still ogled at him. I didn't.

"Possibly, she can teach Miss Somers here a thing or two." Lady Gafel said.

I pretended not to hear her as Lady Ling responded, "I doubt she will understand what she's being taught."

"Oh, is he coming this way?" Lady Shaw noted.

At this point, it wouldn't be surprising if I fainted, my head was feeling even lighter now.

"He is!" Lady Heartleaf squealed and began to fix her dress, "I wonder why?"

Lady Annabelle's smile broadened as she watched ahead. Presumably, at His Highness.

God, please. Let it not be.

A slight tremor found its way to my hands and I held them together. Unable to sit still, I jumped out of my seat.

He was already about two steps to our table so his attention was on me at once. Awkwardly, I curtseyed to him and walked away from the table. Toward where, I knew not. I followed the path eastward. There wasn't a place to hide so I could only press on forward, knowing that everyone was watching me.