Dear Austin ~Cashby~

Chapter 15 (finale)

"Come on Alan, it's time." Aaron smiled sadly at me.

I took a deep breath, trying hard to hold back the tears, I had to be strong, for Austin's sake, I had to do this, for him. Aaron took his seat next to Shayley who held his guitar in hand, tears falling silently from his eyes as I took my spot behind the stand and he began strumming his guitar. I waited a few seconds until Aaron's voice began singing the lyrics to Jimmy Eat World's 'Here you me'.

"Austin Robert Carlile-Ashby, where do I even begin to describe him? No words I could ever speak, no words on this earth could do him justice. He was the best man I'd ever met, was he perfect? No, no one is perfect, everyone has their flaws, but to me, he was perfect. I met Austin nearly three years ago, when he came to Bavard county to visit Shayley during summer brake in 2000. From then, he made my life seem like one long amazing dream. I'd never really be interested in relationships, finding love or anything like that, like most people at twenty two. But six weeks, that's all it took for me to fall completely head over heels in love with him. From then, we spent the next two years together, making the most of our situation, making most of the time we had. In those two years, I only spent a total of four and a half months with him in person, but that didn't matter to me because the time we spent together was so special to me. There isn't a moment, or a conversation, a stroll along the beach, ice cream trip, a film night or anything I don't remember as clear as day as if it happened yesterday. He gave me the greatest gifts anyone could ever give, he gave me love, hope, understanding, he gave me a partner, a comrade, a best friend as well as a lover, and just over a year ago...a husband, he gave me precious memories that I can cherish forever. Here in my hand, I hold the last letter I ever wrote to him, it was while I was writing that letter, I recieved the that knock on the door that would change my life, and the way I wrote this letter forever. My husband, my best friend, my one true love had been killed in action in the war in Iraq." I took a deep breath, I was trying so hard to be strong for him, but I couldn't as tears began escaping my eyes. "I-I screamed, I begged, I-I p-prayed it was s-some sick joke, b-but I knew it was all too real w-when Shayley came to find me after work, h-holding letter with the same news. W-We where supposed to have time, h-he was supposed to leave t-the army after t-that final nine month tour. W-we where supposed to h-have a big p-pool party to celebrate, w-we where supposed to travel the world. W-We where su-supposed to a-adopt t-two be-beautiful children a-and have t-two of our own. W-we where supposed to live l-like a normal, h-happily married couple. We w-where supposed to have time, b-but time for us ran out t-the day he got shot. I-I know they tried e-everything to save him, I-I know he tried to f-fight to stay alive, but f-for e-exactly thirty one m-months and f-fifteen day, w-we'd been so lucky, and s-sadly, our l-luck ran out. I c-cannot regret anything, o-only that I will regret i-is not spend the r-rest of my life with him, i-in person, but he will be f-forever in my heart. This letter co-contains all the things I need a-and wanted to say to him, a-all the b-best memories I have, o-out of the th-thousands he left me with, a-and it will be buried with him, s-so he has a piece of me u-until I see him again. M-May angels lead you in A-Austie, y-you served your c-country, y-you made thousands s-so proud of you, y-you made your mother proud. I-I hope right now, y-you're up there, e-enjoying a good drink a-and a long awaited c-catch up with your mom. I-I hope you are together u-up there, a-and please, if y-you see my brother, l-look after him, a-and tell him I w-will see him soon. I love you A-Austin, t-this isn't goodbye, this is an 'I'll see you soon'. R-Rest in peace my love, forever and always."

There was silence as the song came to a close, although at this point, Aaron and Shayley where in tears of their own, the words where coming out choked and barely audiable. Everyone here was crying and as soon as I stepped off the stand,  I collapsed into my mothers arms in a fit of sobs. And that's all I'd been the past two weeks since the two uniformed officers knocked on my door, with a look of sadness and sympathy and told me the new that would shatter my heart into a million pieces. All I could do was cry, I felt so lost, so broken, alone and helpless. My husband, my one true love, my dreams of sharing a life with him where shattered, and I didn't think I could ever survive this.