It was another night of no sleep. I’ve tried for more than 4 hours and nothing working, not even the fucking sleeping aid, so I gave up. I’ve been doing homework because the more I can do ahead the more I don’t have to worry about it. I wanted to tell Baba about the nightmares again, but I decided not to, seeing as he’s dealing with his own share of those. The sleep aid had to have gotten somewhere between this household. I haven’t spoken to Regina since that night, and Mateo and I only text when we’re studying.
I can't do anything without hearing a bang that isn’t really there. Everytime I close my eyes it’s like I’m getting closer and closer to that bridge where it happened. It’s starting to take effect on my assignment, even then I don’t really want to do those anymore. It’s like my brain just doesn’t find motivation in anything. And thinking about having to do it or go to work makes me feel sad and even more tired than I am. It’s a constant battle between getting up to do the stuff I signed up for, or staying home and being nothing.
~_~
“Anything from Marcus. “
“No Jeff.”
“She just missed my asshole. Ya know you can sew up an asshole.”
“I’ve sewn an asshole.”
“Who.”
“A close friend.”
"Guys, let's bring it in for pre-service. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but we’re gonna be closed for dinner service tonight cause we are having a bachelor party out front.”
“Ahh Fuck that.”
“How many people?”
So that’s not gonna be on my end seeing as how I go home after lunch service. It was just me on bread, and cake because Marus is still gone. I’m not sure if he’s coming back but I hope so. The kitchen was slow today, and Carmen wasn’t annoying at all, which was weird and unusual for everyone. There was no one nagging about things. I used this as a time to try and separate my thoughts into work ones, and home ones. I thought about chocolate croissants and what it would go good with.
I know I would have to set up a date to go out and find some dessert shops to look into. I would also have to think about what I want to do for college. Did I want to get a degree in Computer Science, Music, Theater, or cooking? Before I used to be able to see myself working at the restaurant still. I could see it being good. And I can still see it being good. I just can't see myself at all anymore. Everytime I’m here I think about the body hitting the floor. I think about yelling, and I get scared that I don’t know what to do. And I don’t.
“Yo Belly uh let's go over some of your ideas yeah.”
“Yeah uh give me five minutes.”
Putting that all aside though I grab my book and walk into the office which was way better than it was before. Sitting down I place it on the table.
“You uh know anything about a KBL?”
“Umm I only know that the B stands for Berzatto, He never told me the others. But I think the K stands for whatever the fuck Jimmy’s last name is. He never told me the others.”
“Right, thanks uh, let’s see what you got.”
That's what we did for the next 30 minutes. I pointed out some of the ones I wanted, and thought we could try. I said I would do some prep at home and stay late the night before to help. He listened and put a star on a few. That’s how lunch went. I went home, did work and tried to sleep.
~_~
Walking into the restaurant the next day was a mess. I started helping clean up the front picking up trash. Carmen was wiping down floors. Moving the napkin dispensers out of the way I picked up more trash and empty cups. I really hate parties, and adults. Richie walked in and grabbed the napkins mumbling something stupid crackheads. Assuming he took them to clean them off.
Marcus was back and I was glad about that. I needed someone else to help out with the fancy dessert stuff. I couldn’t do it on my own. We spent the next hour cleaning and getting ready for prep. Everyone was doing extra today because of a festival.
Getting started on my prep I got to work cutting vegetables, and taking care of some of Sydney's prep. Since Marcus was back, I was back to kinda hoping through just doing a little of everything. Cutting the vegetables I got into a pace and got to work. That was before I heard the sound of fire. Turning around the stove where Cramen was across from was ablaze with fire.
“Yo What the fuck. Carmen you good.”
“Tina, sweeps.”
“Yo Cramen you good.”
He wasn’t responding which led to Richie coming over. He slapped his face trying to get his attention which seems to work. Getting a response we got back to work glancing at him silently. He took a break and went to sit in the locker room. I continued on prep. Pretty soon he came back and started on family.
“Cousin.”
“Yo.”
“Help.
Looking I saw him holding what looked to be a stack of something. Money. Covered in spaghetti sauce. We're all soon grabbing out cans and getting the money from them. In the midst Sydney came in and looked at the mess we had going on.
“Uhh what’s going on?”
“Yo Syd quit fucking around and grab a can opener.”
“Family style? Two top booths?”
“Danish design, tasting at the bar.”
“Window on the side.”
“For sandwiches.”
“Yeah”
“Okay.”
Once we were done with that we cleaned the kitchen and I watched as Carmen put up a sign.
‘The Beef is Closed Thank you for your patronage. The Bear is coming.”
We walked back to where the family was being served, and I sat down next to Baba and grams who had joined us. We had spaghetti and everyone laughed and enjoyed this moment sharing stories. It was nice. There wasn’t fighting, just family.
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YOU ARE READING
What Was I Made For
Fanfiction"Hey Carmy" "Yeah" "You're still a dick" "Yeah Belly I am." _~_ A kid who's father is a family friend of the Berzatto, has grown up with Mike and Cramy as her family. Now one of them is dead, and the other one has come back after three years of...
