Eric Harden had his whole life mapped out since the day he was born and never strayed from that path. Until Gavin Adams walked into his life and awoke feelings in him that he never even knew existed.
And now he was expected to just forget about it a...
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"Eric, are you even listening." Christian was annoyed with me. That's not new, at this point I've grown use to it.
I lied anyway, "Yeah, sure." This nigga is crazy. I leaned over to Emmanuel and whispered so Christian wouldn't hear me, "Am I the jock? Or am I trade?...What's trade again?"
I was all confused.
Emmanuel chuckled. He looked ready to respond, but never got the chance because of Christian annoying ass.
Christian stomped his foot, "Eric! What did you just ask him?!"
I shot back up right. "Nothing!" He scoffed. "Why do I need to know this shit anyway?"
Christian crossed his arms. He didn't look impressed at all. "How else are you going to navigate being gay?"
"I think I'm navigating just fine."
"He fucks one man that's not Gavin and he thinks he's God." Christian said in disbelief, throwing his hands in the air. I gasped and stood up.
I pointed my finger in his face, "Hey! Remember the rule!"
"Don't tell me about the rules. I came up with them!" Then why the fuck he breaking them? See. Every part of me was regretting telling him about Raphael now. I knew he'd only use it against me. I looked at Emmanuel suspiciously now. He's definitely on his side.
This was desdass too many terms to keep up with. I don't even think I need to know this because I didn't give a fuck. I like what I like and I do what I do.
"Does any of this even matter?"
Christian shouted, "Yes!" at the same thing Emmanuel shouted, "No!" That sure clears that up. I miss being just straight.
Shit was never this complicated. I thought women complicated shit. No, it's clearly us men.
Christian came forward and gripped my cheeks. His eyes softened and he took a deep breath before talking, "These men will east you up alive, honey. You just don't know it yet."
I cut my eyes at him. I think Gavin did enough of that for a life time. Also, he was being mad dramatic. Just because I wasn't experienced in this whole gay shit don't mean I'm some naïve virgin.
But, Raphael hadn't replied to any of my texts and I started doubting whether the number he gave me was even real. He payed for my Uber home—Uber Black might I add, too. Now to me that was a sign of a job well done. But I guess not. My ego can't keep taking hits like this. If the old me could see me now.
"Get out of my house." I told Christian.
Emmanuel dragged Christian out kicking and screaming. "He needs to learn, Emmanuel! Put me down!" Hearing the front door slam shut was like music to my ears. I sighed. Finally some peace in my own room.
Except it wasn't feeling that peaceful. Just at the mention of Gavin's name was bringing out shit I didn't want to remember. Shit I regret.
I was starting to regret ever sitting next to him in Biology. I should've took my ass to the back.
The first thing I noticed about him was his hair.
Obviously.
I've always had a thing for hair. I've never been attracted to niggas, but the way Gavin didn't even notice my existence at first drew me in, in a way that I couldn't explain. He was scribbling in his notebook and talking to hisself. Gavin did that a lot.
Then the night of my kickback...I was fucked up. I was too fucked up and I was jealous. Jealous of Drea of all people.
"Drea's gonna try and fuck you." I had told him. I didn't like his response. He giggled even and wasn't shit funny about that. I knew that bitch was devious when I met her.
Honestly looking back on all this shit, my first mistake was finding him cute. I mean I could recognize when a nigga cute to girls, but Gavin was cute to me.
The second mistake was smoking with him. The third mistake was continue this bullshit. Even months after spending the night with him when I came out.
Fuck, I came out to my mom for him and he still didn't pick me. The fuck did that bitch have that I didn't.
"You didn't come out for me. Stop saying that shit and I don't wanna talk about this again, Eric." Gavin muttered while bending down to gathering his clothes from the floor, but he only came back up with a shirt.
I just watched angrily. He do this every fuck time yo! "You can't just run every time I ask you shit."
He scoffed, "Like you used to do."
"Yeah. Used to! You jump and run every time that bitch call you. I just wanna know why!"
"Watch your mouth."
I sat up right, "Bitch. The fuck you gone do about it?" Anger was beginning to cloud me. I didn't wanna fight Gavin and I wouldn't. That don't mean Imma let him play me like I'm some bitch, either. I can say what I want.
He froze. His jaw locked and he was breathing so hard through his nose I could hear it, "Nothing." He said through grit teeth. " You childish as fuck, bro. I'm boutta just leave. Where the fuck are my pants?!" Gavin let the shirt fall back on the floor.
"How can you even ask me that shit?" He looks at me like I was crazy.
I shrugged. "When I call you, you don't do the same for me. Why I always gotta wait?"
It's always, I'm with Fai
I got plans
You know I'm with him rn
"He's my boyfriend, Eric." I groaned, "What? It's true!" He said. I hate when he says the shit. I don't need to be reminded. I know I fucked up, but I've been trying to fix it ever since. How much more do I gotta do?
"Nigga, so what? I feel like I am, too."
"What you feel and what's reality ain't the same thing. He's not complicated. He's not scared to be with me. Yeah, you came out, I guess. But nothing really changed."
That hurt.
"How can anything changed when you're always under his dick 24/7!? So you love him...But, not me?" The words just fell out and I couldn't take them back.
Instead of answering my question he asked me one, "Do you love me? Even if you did can you even say it?" He started muttering to himself, "Love? Now everybody wanna tell me they love me. Y'all crazy as fuck."
I didn't say it. I never said it and neither did he.
I feel like I shouldn't have to, Gavin knows me. He should've just known.
