One in... Eleven

What's left to... Ru

I knew we had mobility today to recover from our match - ice baths, plyometrics abs isolated focus on problem areas which was my left knee at the moment.

Recovery days were always a lot shorter than full training days and we often have a bike session to start something we call a flush out - trying to remove all the lactic acids from muscles.

Leah and I had gone to training together with Scott once again giving a knowing nod but keeping it to herself. Everyone else.. I think had assumed we'd got close as we are similar age and know each-other form old U18 international games.

Once training was done I left pretty sharpish, I had to get to St Albans. The drive there was a mix of nerves and curiosity - I'm not sure how I was going to feel seeing Ru considering last time I was stunned I hadn't time to process any emotion. My music wasn't helping that there was quite a few songs Ru and I first discovered together that had come on shuffle - maybe it was a sign...

*Ru's POV*

I couldn't sleep last night thinking about K, coming today - I'd opened the necklace she gave me and put it on, I knew exactly what I meant but I didn't know if that's what she still felt.

I'd booked the brunch place we'd been to last time we came to visit Shebahn and K had loved it.

She was due in about 10 minutes and I'm an absolute state, Shebahn's given me a pep talk and there's not much else I can do now- I'll lay all my cards on the table and see what comes of it'

I've got a bunch of tulips ready to give her when I see her as I know they are her favourite, hopefully that will start things positively...

*End of Ru's POV*

I pulled up at Shebahns house - I'd been a few times and never been as nervous as I am right now. I knocked on the door and it was Shebahn that answered;

Shebahn- Hey Hen, she's upstairs go on up.

I wandered up the stairs and was met with Ru on the way;

Ru: K, I hadn't planned seeing you like this, I guess I figured I'd open the door and I'd see you not on my sisters stairs - I should have known you'd be a bit early.

'Sorry Ru, I can go out and come back in if you want' - I smiled at her before we embraced each-other a little longer than just friends but not as long as a partner would hug you.

Ru: 'I erm, I got you these' she said handing me tulips

'My favourite, good memory'

Ru: 'yeah well I figured I had a lot of making up to do before you'd even consider anything so what better place to start than flowers, you ready to head out?'

I nodded - I couldn't quite work out what her angle was here but I had noticed the ne lack I got her was hanging round her neck, she was dressed exactly how I remembered her to, a pair of jeans and a collared long sleeve top and a pair of Stan smith adidas trainers, she still smelt the same which was pretty nostalgic too.

We got down to a bistro place that I did remember we'd been to once before - I had complimented the food here when we came before so there was obvious thought in this.

We got chatting and it was pretty easy conversation - food came - coffee came and we got stuck in, after we'd eaten she leant her hand out over the table towards me;

Ru: 'I'm sorry K, I'm sorry for everything and I know it's not going to fix over night but I want to wear my heart on my sleeve and say I'm willing to put in the leg work, the miles whatever you need me to do...'

My heart raced a million miles an hour and my hand did link into hers, but I fear it might not be the same as what she assumed,

'Ru, I have to be honest, I'm not sure how to say this...'

Her eyes filled up with tears and she looked like a broken woman, she hadn't even heard what I had to say but I'd already hurt her with the few works I'd managed to spit out.

'I think you might have been right, I think maybe we do need the space to see if there's a different path we are meant to be on, I don't want to hold you back, I don't want to be the reason you can't live your life and I can't commit to things right now, I've started a new club in a new city and...'

Everything went quiet again the silence deafened the whole place - although it was busy the tension between us consumed any background noise...

'And... and, I slept with someone' I mumbled out...

Ru beckoned the waiter over and asked for a rum on the rocks, 'two actually' she says before he returns one for her and she pushed one in my direction.

Ru: 'I guess I deserve it' - she said sipping her drink before ordering another.

Ru: 'So, is that it for us then? I guess what I'm asking is, is there any chance?'

I looked at her and tears consumed my eyes as much as they did hers, her voice broken, hurting and more longing for confirmation I wasn't done with her.

'My love, one day we will look back and realise, our chapter was a beautiful one, it was us growing up together, working things out together, you were my first love and nothing will change that, first loves can't be replaced, there will always be a portion of my heart that belongs to you - it's not goodbye, its not anything like that, I want you in my life if you are willing to be. I don't know what's left to do for us or even what we can do Ru, I'd be stupid not to throw myself into life at Arsenal, i don't want to completely lose you' - I word vomited at her not really allowing much time for her to process the words.

Ru: 'For now K, can we just do today? I want to just spend time, just us, just incase it's the last time we do'

I looked at her and wiped a tear from her face - swallowing every ounce of hurt I felt- I love her and care for her and who knows...

'We can do today, just me and you, like we used to' I nod.