One more thing

moving on

I went down in my basement today

and that familiar smell hit me as tons of images clouded up my brain 

of you

of the lies

the manipulation 

the toxicity 

the emails of my best friend telling me you did it again with pictures 

the tears that stained my mouse pad 

the pacing around the room, anxious

the sitting on the floor, tear-stained face. wondering what I did wrong  

I thought it was a glass house I could never get out of

I dreaded to go down there

all it was for me was the pot of overthinking and false hope 

but that was now a year ago 

and your still there

but not

the man who ruined me

the man we call zero

he still haunts that basement

but

it doesn't hurt anymore 

no more "what ifs" or "maybe one day" 

it's just me

I clawed my way out of those chains you locked in me 

the scars will always be there

The blonde tips from my hair still haunt me in those photos because I know she suffered 

that burning weight of feeling like it will all happen again

but its bearable 

cause I don't wake up alone anymore 

I wake up with a familiar song or a voice

hers.

and suddenly earth... doesn't seem too bad...

suddenly I'm surrounded my people who care

I've spent years clawing my way up to the surface 

and now that I'm up here

I'll look around to see me surrounded by people that care for me

people that love me

I always thought I was unloved

but I guess I was wrong 

I made my world 

I made the chapters 

I Made it.

I'm free