living on a fault line

I

June 17, 2025.

"You're avoiding her in your own apartment."

"I'm not avoiding her, Felix."

Lisa is not avoiding her ex-wife, she's simply gearing up for when she sees her again, and she thinks she should be allowed that. Too many things come flooding back to her when she sees Roseanne, and ever since she let her walls down for the woman so many years ago, it's been a constant battle to put them back up.

Roseanne disarms her, always has.

Roseanne has a boyfriend, and Lisa is not entirely sure if he came to the party.

"Sure," Felix says. "And I'm not Eli's favorite uncle."

"You're not, Kai is."

"If it makes you feel any better, I think she's avoiding you too."

"It doesn't, but thank you."

(December 24, 2024.)

"You could just be honest with yourself."

Lisa hears Jisoo's voice through the walls of Amalia's house, coming from somewhere in the kitchen, and assumes that must be where Roseanne disappeared to. She told Eli she'd find her mama for her, but the conversation sounds heated, and Lisa gets the feeling it's somehow about her.

"You could just be honest with yourself, Roseanne. Starting with the fact-"

"That I blame myself?" She hears Roseanne's voice, and her stomach sinks. Her chest feels as though it's been split open. "I don't. Of course I blame her!"

Lisa opens the door, meeting Jisoo's eyes above a head of blonde curls.

"Roseanne-" Jisoo tries to warn her.

"You could've just said that," Lisa says, and her voice wavers. "All those times I asked you could've just told the truth-"

"For fuck's sake, Lisa! I don't blame you for- for that. I never did. But the divorce? I do blame you."

"You gave me the papers to sign," Lisa says.

"You didn't leave me any choice," Roseanne retorts.

"Your daughter is out there," Jisoo interrupts. "And this is a fucking Christmas party, so I don't care how you do it but you're going to play nice and make this the best Christmas ever, are we clear? Now excuse me, I have a bunch of kids to entertain with coke and mints."

Jisoo lets the door close quietly behind her, and they're left staring at each other. It's been roughly ten months since she moved out, and the pull of longing and pain and love and anger it's tightly coiled in her chest, as strong as ever.

It's all encompassing, what she feels for this woman, and she can hardly believe it's been ten months since they shared a bed, since they shared a life.

She can't believe there was a time the sight of Roseanne's eyes made her sick.

"Roseanne!"

"Felix!"

They hug, and Lisa looks away. There was a time when she and Roseanne shared that same easy affection, even before they started dating, and she doesn't know why she's missing it now. Perhaps because it's been a little over a year now, the second of their daughter's birthdays after they separated. Perhaps because she knows that now Roseanne has someone else.

She knew it would happen. Roseanne is gorgeous, and smart, and despite everything that happened between them, how they might have hurt each other, she can attest to that, and the fact that she's an amazing mother.