living on a fault line

X

"Are you family?"

The question rings out.

The bustle of the hospital hallways doesn't reach her as she holds on to Eli, her heart trying to beat its way out of her chest and her lungs working double time. Lisa's feet had carried her as fast as humanly possible down the hallways of the hospital, a quiet, scared Eli on her hip, and now that she's in front of the nurse a single question makes her pause.

"Yes," she says, and doubt doesn't shake her voice.

She knows the nurse is asking if they're family as in if they're related, if they're married -she's still listed as Roseanne's wife, after all. The nurse nods once she gives her name and tells someone else to call a doctor.

Lisa puts Eli down. Her daughter holds her waist tight, hiding her face against her stomach. Lisa strokes her hair.

She hasn't lied.

Technicalities aside -they might not be married anymore, but Roseanne is her family. She'll always be her family. She was insane if she ever thought she could walk away from that, or that they could ever not be in each other's life. They share a child, for crying out loud.

If only for that -and it's not just for that- they'll always be connected.

The doctor makes a beeline towards her when he sees her. Lisa doesn't know how he knows, she doubts she's the only here who looks desperate to know more about her loved ones. Maybe desperation is clearer on her face. Lisa shakes his hand, realizing in a split second just how detached she felt in the drive over. The cold of his hand shocks her back into the present.

"Roseanne Park," she says. "They called me and said-"

"Yes, Mrs.Park was in a car accident not far from here. She's all right."

Oxygen floods her lungs.

"Can I see her?" she asks right away, her hand on the back of Eli's head.

"As soon as she's moved to the ICU-"

"You said she was all right."

Lisa was a doctor's wife, she knows more than most what the words entail, just how close a human being has to brush death before getting a bed up there.

"She is. It's hospital policy." He looks down at Eli. "Is there anyone who can stay with your little girl while we talk?"

She brushes Eli's hair, and then picks her up.

Her eyes are wide and her lip wobbles. She's been so brave the past few minutes, Lisa can't conceive that she's asking her to do even more.

"Do you think you can stay by yourself for a few minutes?" she asks. Eli violently shakes her head.

"Is it necessary?"

"I'd hate to scare her," he tells her softly. Lisa nods.

"Look, you can sit right there next to the TV, and you can see me. Okay? I'm not going anywhere."

Eli stares at her, her little fists clenching her shirt.

"Where's mama?" She asks, her mouth thick around the words.

"Mama is okay," Lisa promises her, breathing easier now that the doctor has reassured her.

When she got the call her stomach dropped. Her mind turned on itself over and over while she drove, conjuring up images of raising Eli as a single mom, or Roseanne sleeping never to wake up, of blood and guts and every horror movie she ever saw involving car accidents. Her brain worked overtime to drive as fast -and safe- as possible, while still supplying her with endless images full of pain and wrecked metal. Lisa is 32 and she's never had more than a parking ticket.