living on a fault line

IV

Notes:
Trigger warning for miscarriage, starts at the 4th block of italics.

"I want to see. Mommy, let me see!"

Lisa stifles a laugh. "Not yet." She looks at River, and she and the girl share an eye-roll. Eli has Roseanne's patience, Lisa has always known this. Which is to say- she's not very patient at all.

Lisa navigates Eli through the apartment, her hands covering her daughter's eyes. She spent a late night fixing up her room after the new bed and desk she bought got here, and now the room is decked out in a galaxy motif she knows Eli will love. Her bed sheets, some stars pasted above her bed.

"Mommy," Eli whines, pulling at Lisa's hands, and Lisa drops a kiss to the back of her head.

"OK, we're here." They stand outside Eli's bedroom door, River a few steps behind them. She's a shy girl, but even she's covering her mouth to stop laughing. Lisa uncovers Eli's eyes and turns the doorknob. "1, 2, 3!"

Her daughter gasps when she lays eyes on her new bed.

"I love it! It's so big!" Eli jumps in the bed, squealing with delight. "There are stars everywhere!"

"Take your shoes off, will you?" Lisa asks, smiling. Eli drops down and bounces before taking her sneakers off. The huge smile on her face makes everything better for Lisa. She doesn't remember pain or hate or jealousy when her daughter laughs like that. It's the only thing that matters.

"River get on, come on!" Eli pleads, and River, ever respectful and quiet -just like Kai- climbs on the bed as well.

They jump together, and Lisa tramps down the fear that they might fall and lets them have their fun.

"Mommy, come on, you too!"

"Me?"

"Yes!"

Lisa is honored at the invitation, but she thinks her days of silliness and jumping on beds are long gone.

"The floor is lava!" Eli exclaims.

Lisa gasps. "Is it? Oh no." It's always easy to remember how to be silly when Eli wants her to, though.

"The floor is lava so you have to get on. River, move. Mommy! Don't leave me alone!" Eli makes a show of almost falling off the bed and onto the fl- the lava, reaching for Lisa in a feat worthy of Broadway.

Lisa finally plays along.

(January 21st, 2016.)

"Are we missing something?" Lisa asks once the moving company people are out the door. Their bed is assembled upstairs, the stove is in its corner of the kitchen, and everything else is on boxes lying all around. She loves the house they chose, and will love it even more once everything is in its place.

"Um, I don't think so?!" Roseanne's voice comes from upstairs, and Lisa walks up to meet her. "Wait, we do have to make sure the bed is sturdy," Roseanne tells her at the top of the stairs.

"It costs us an arm and a leg, it better be," Lisa tells her, taking in her disheveled hair, her tank top and shorts getting up. Seeing Roseanne like this will never get old. Her fiance. Soon to be a wife. It still makes her blood sing.

We could make sure," Roseanne says, taking a step closer to Lisa. This will never get old either. She goes in to kiss her when Roseanne steps back, takes off sprinting down the hallway.