living on a fault line

VII

"I'm not your wife anymore."

"I know that."

"And it's not your concern if I leave-"

"It is. Because even when you walked out on me you didn't walk out on our daughter. You don't get to do that."

"I would never. And if you think otherwise I don't know who I was married to."

Lisa lets the door slam closed, the heavy metal banging out a cacophony of sound that Lisa finds fucking satisfying. She's angry.

She's angry in a way she hasn't been in so long, because it's only Roseanne who can get it out of her. How could she accuse her of leaving Eli? Only Roseanne. Always fucking Roseanne.

She takes a deep breath with her hand on her apartment door's handle. She doesn't want to make too much noise in case it wakes Eli, and doesn't want to look upset in case her daughter is already awake. But she definitely doesn't want to still be in the hallway when Roseanne comes down.

She steps inside.

"Mommy, where were you?"

Lisa stops in her tracks as her daughter stands in the middle of the living room, blanket in hand and a fist rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Lisa begs whatever God is listening to that her daughter didn't hear the fight she's still reeling from.

"I was I was just talking to someone, baby," she says, and picks Eli up with a grunt, settling her on her hip.

"With who?" Eli inquires. "Chew-i?"

"No, not her. And it's Tzuyu, baby."

"Oh. Her name is weird."

Lisa tries -and fails- not to chuckle. Even now, her daughter can always get a smile out of her.

"I guess it is. But we don't say-"

"We don't say weird, we say special," Eli recites. "Because being different is good."

"That's my girl," Lisa says, dropping a kiss to her forehead. She's glad her neighbor is Eli's first guess at who she was talking to. And she's even more thankful when Eli seems to get distracted enough not to realize she didn't get an actual answer.

They'd been doing so well. The last thing she needs is for Eli to find them fighting.

The last thing she wants is for Eli to know about her new job (if she's taking itshe is taking it, isn't she?) in those circumstances.

She rubs Eli's back.

"Why did you wake up?"

"I don't know" Eli says, and rests her head back down on Lisa's shoulder.

"That's all right," Lisa says, breathing out with relief. "But let's go to bed now, okay?"

Eli nods against her shoulder.

"Can I sleep with you?"

"Of course, monkey."

She lays Eli between the pillows, tickles her feet while she sleepily giggles and kicks at her. The twin bed is just big enough to hold the both of them cuddled up, and Lisa hugs her close.

"Night mommy," Eli says quietly, burrowing further under the covers.

Lisa sighs, the last of the anger seeping out of her. She can't be angry when she's holding her daughter.

"Good night," she tells Eli, but she doesn't try to sleep herself.

She can't.

How did Roseanne find out? Did Amalia- Amalia was the only who knew, she must have been the one to tell her. Lisa feels betrayal crawl up her throat, and sinks her nose in Eli's hair to keep the horrible feeling at bay.