911 fanfics

you know you can tell me if something's wrong, right? (p1)

The 118's shift felt like it would never end. The blackout was going strong and no one had gotten a proper night's sleep for three days. Everyone napped when they could but was also ready to go home, whenever that would be.

Eddie was lying on a cot in the garage, trying to sleep with one arm splayed across his forehead when Buck came up to him.

"Are you actually asleep or just pretending?" he said, leaning over the older male.

Eddie cracked his eyes open, sending Buck to sit on the cot next to his. "I was going to before you interrupted me," he replied.

Buck hesitated for a second but wasn't sure the next time he would get a moment alone with Eddie and he wasn't done letting the cardiologist visit go. "I'm exhausted," Buck said. Hesitating again, he added, "How are you feeling?"

"Hot. I'm sweating out of places I didn't know I could."

Buck edged closer to the edge of his seat, straightening his back. "But not a cold sweat right? A— Any chest pain? How's your breathing feel?" he asked quickly.

"I'm fine, Buck," Eddie complained.

"People who are fine don't go see cardiologists." 

"Here I am, fine and post-cardiologist," Eddie shrugged and sat up, annoyed.

"Why did you see her, then? You know— You know you can tell me, right?" Buck sounded seriously concerned now.

Eddie dropped his head into his hands, massaging his temple. "I had a panic attack," he admitted.

"Since when did you get those?" Buck asked, genuinely confused.

"That's what I said, but since last week, I guess." He raised his head from his hands, running his fingers through his hair, still very clearly uncomfortable being so vulnerable with his best friend, but Buck wasn't planning on giving up.

"Okay..." Buck was also way out of his depth, but it didn't matter to him. "What triggered it? Was it... the sniper a few months ago?"

"No— I don't know, I've never panicked before, let alone identified a trigger."

"So we can figure it out," Buck shrugged like it was no big deal. And it wasn't, not to him at least, he would do anything to help Eddie. "Where were you when it happened?"

"I was shopping for tuxedos for the christening Ana invited me to."

"Did anything happen?"

"I didn't think so... but Christopher was with us, and right before, y'know, it started the store owner called Ana his mother," Eddie said solemnly, his hands running through his hair again as a distraction.

"Okay, did that upset you?"

"Maybe, but why should it? She's really amazing and she's been great with Christopher through everything."

"Do you love her?" Buck prompted.

"What?"

"You said she's amazing. But do you love her?"

Eddie looked flustered and slightly scared. "We haven't said that much, it's only been a few months. But she's an amazing and beautiful person and Chris adores her."

"But do you love her?"

Eddie thought about it for a minute before realizing his answer. The only response Buck needed was Eddie's face slowly breaking as he rested his head back in his hands.

"I thought I was ready," he said after a minute of silence. "It's been over a year since Shannon died and I barely think about her and Chris hasn't talked about her in a while... It was long enough that I thought I would be ready and could do it."

"But you're not," Buck finished for him. Eddie didn't say another word, he just nodded his head.

"But I'm not," Eddie echoed.

Buck let that sit with Eddie for a few seconds before continuing. "What are you going to do?"

"I should talk to her but I just don't know how. Things have been good and I don't want to ruin it for her."

"You know, I've been Ana. You can tell when someone isn't 100% in and it hurts. Even worse than the truth. You need to talk to her," Buck said.

The stressed ran his fingers through his hair again before responding. "I know. And I will. Once this is over," he said, gesturing around him.

"Let me know how it goes. Or if you need anything."

Eddie hummed a response before laying back down. "I'm gonna try to sleep now."

"Not like there's anything else to do," Buck muttered, patting Eddie on the shoulder and walking away. He figured now that he had come clean to Buck and worked out some next steps, that would be it.

Boy was he wrong.