if only you knew

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ 27

seungkwan woke up the next morning to the smell of coffee wafting in from his kitchen. he sighed when he remembered that mingyu and wonwoo stayed the night and slept in his bed with him. the sigh turned into a strangled noise when he opened his eyes and realized the arms wrapped around him were wonwoo's, the older boy's long dark hair fallen all over his pillow, the product of him moving a lot in his sleep.

seungkwan smiled gently as he tried his hardest to tame the wild locks of wonwoo's hair that was sticking out in different directions, giggling fondly once he realized it was useless. he just laid back down as he listened to the distant sounds of mingyu banging around in his kitchen.

seungkwan couldn't help it when his imagination kicked in, and his thoughts drifted elsewhere. he wondered what it would be like to have this every morning: waking up in wonwoo's arms and having mingyu cooking breakfast for them in the kitchen. he wondered if he even deserved something so sweet in his life. so domestic. so simple.

seungkwan let out a strangled noise as he scooted back abruptly. he stared back at wonwoo with a perplexed look on his face, as if the older boy was the one who put that crazy thought into his head. what on earth was seungkwan thinking? daydreaming about being with one of them was crazy, but the both of them?

he didn't get to fall deeper into his, admittedly insane, thoughts, because he felt the older boy stirring in his sleep, mumbling something incoherently under his breath as he tightened his grip around seungkwan's torso. the younger boy let out a choked sound at the gesture, wanting nothing more than to coo loudly but not wanting to wake wonwoo from his peaceful slumber.

he just settled his racing thoughts down and relaxed in his spot, just wanting to enjoy the moment a little more.

a part of him wanted to cry.

he thought back to earlier in the summer when he believed everything between the three of them was so simple. he was harboring a five-year long crush on the man holding him tight at that moment, but besides that, everything appeared normal between the three of them. there was nothing the three best friends couldn't handle, nothing that could be thrown at them that would affect their friendship.

seungkwan didn't realize how naive he was. he hated that this was how he had to find out how fragile their friendship was.

it was almost as if he was still twenty one. like he was still that boy traveling from the big city to the faceless beachside to help his mother tend to her garden during the summer. it was almost as if he was the same person he was before he met wonwoo and mingyu.

sometimes, he yearned for that time. he thought he was so mature at that time. and yes, he loved being friends with everyone, and he would never regret being friends with mingyu and wonwoo, but he just wished for the naivety of that young boy who was so excited to make friends with those two.

he wondered if twenty one year old seungkwan would have ever imagined himself in this position: feeling at a crossroads with his best friends, helping them through their problems while being hopelessly in love with them.

seungkwan frowned slightly at the thought. he already knew he loved the two of them, but he still kept convincing himself that it was platonic. that he just had a silly crush on mingyu, at least. he knew it was so much more than that. and the thought brought a lump to his throat.

hoping to distract himself, seungkwan reached out and softly caressed wonwoo's cheek, tracing the older boy's jawline with his thumb as he sighed deeply. he blinked in surprise when he saw the older boy let out a loud groan and pull back slightly, slowly blinking his eyes open and smiling almost immediately at the cute look of surprise on seungkwan's face.